To Be Here
by Cassidy Blue
Summary: Andy and Sharon finally get around to talking about their relationship. Everything seems fine - until Jackson shows up and everything goes to hell...in the worst possible way.
1. All I've Got to Say

**To Be Here**

**_DISCLAIMER:_**_ I do not own them, much to my eternal sadness. I am but borrowing them for just a little while. _

**_A/N:_**_ I do not write fan fiction. That is to say, I never have before - for any show. I was never planning to, either, content to watch the show and read and enjoy the amazing works of fiction produced by others who love the show as much as I do. Then one day, while I was innocently minding my own business, Raydor and Flynn marched into my head - and promptly staged a sit-in, refusing to leave until I told their story. Or, at least, my interpretation of their story. So, inevitably, I gave in (who could ignore the Raydor death-stare or Flynn's puppy-dog eyes?) and this is the result. It's far from perfect, so comments are appreciated but please do try to be kind! I am, after all, just a hopeless fangirl with my two favourite characters yelling directions from the sidelines. Who am I to ignore them?! (And no, despite the promises, they haven't left yet!)_

_All mistakes are mine alone._

_Set a few weeks after the second season finale. Adult themes are present throughout._

* * *

**_CHAPTER ONE :: All I've Got To Say_**

Sharon Raydor smiled softly to herself as she surveyed the scene before her. The Major Crimes division was celebrating the closure of a particularly difficult and ultimately sad case involving the death of a high school senior at the hands of her own father. They had all been affected by it, one way or another, so when Sykes had suggested that they go for a meal together - a kind of unofficial debriefing - they had all jumped at the chance to unwind. Even Buzz, who wasn't always one for team bonding sessions, had agreed to join them.

So here they were at a cozy little Italian place close to the office - a hidden gem that Flynn had discovered - eating and drinking together late on a Friday evening. Sharon had been touched when Provenza came to her office to invite her. She hadn't expected it, but she was certainly not going to say no.

She looked around at the group. Mike and Buzz were having a friendly disagreement about the best way to use some new software that had been introduced into Electronics. Provenza was regaling Amy and Julio with stories from his early days in Robbery/Homicide, making Sharon chuckle while Flynn rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. She and Andy had been around long enough to remember some of the incidents that the older lieutenant was now liberally embellishing.

Ah yes, Andy Flynn.

He had long been her closest friend on the squad. The first to accept her. Her first real ally. Just lately, though, he had become so much more than that.

Sharon had felt his eyes on her all night when he thought she hadn't been aware of him. And she was getting pretty good at pretending not to be aware of him, especially at work. The truth of it was, however, vastly different. Over the past few months she had been hyperaware of his presence: of the gentle waft of his aftershave as she passed his desk; of the warmth of him standing next to or behind her in the murder room - it was funny, she thought, how they always managed to gravitate towards each other there; of the sound of his voice; of his eyes burning into her through her office window; of the ever-present guiding hand at the small of her back that from anyone else she would find patronising, but from him was a source of reassurance and even comfort.

It had been worse since the wedding, of course.

They had danced together a little that night. They had laughed a lot. Andy had cried proud tears over his little girl getting married and Sharon had squeezed his hand tight, stroking his arm gently and leaning her head on his shoulder as his arm came around her and held her close.

He had kissed her for the first time that night, too. A chaste, respectful kiss, yet the passion she felt behind it had taken her breath away.

Their evening at The Nutcracker had gone much the same way. A look here, a touch there, soft kisses as they said goodnight. She hadn't wanted him to leave her that night - and she knew he hadn't wanted to go - but she couldn't find the courage to ask him to stay. So she had let him leave and things had returned to normal. Almost.

Tonight, the subtle shift that had been slowly happening in their relationship continued unabated. They sat next to each other at the restaurant, completely comfortable in each other's presence. Almost without her realising, Sharon's hand would come to rest occasionally on Andy's arm as they talked. He leaned in to her frequently, to share a joke or whisper a comment about one of Provenza's ridiculous stories. His lips would brush her ear as he did so, her head then leaning on his shoulder as she laughed. They had been moving closer together all evening, until their thighs remained touching, neither one of them willing to break the contact once it had been established. Each seemed to have an innate need to touch the other, to keep some kind of physical connection throughout the evening.

Neither of them was drinking: Andy for obvious reasons and Sharon because she was driving herself home later on. The rest of the team was very far from drunk, but they were certainly more relaxed than they might be without the benefit of alcohol. Sharon didn't mind. She liked seeing them off duty like this. She liked that they were no longer afraid to share this side of themselves with her.

She was proud of these people, she realised. She was honoured to be their leader. She had come to love this team. _Her_ team. She finally had their acceptance and it meant the world to her.

* * *

It was almost eleven when Sharon pushed her chair back and stood, reaching for her blazer.

"You're not leaving, Captain?" Amy asked, sounding disappointed.

"I am, I'm afraid," Sharon replied with a small smile. "I promised Rusty that I wouldn't be late."

"You know, the kid is fine without you," Provenza piped up. "Not that I mind you leaving, of course." She could have taken this as an insult, except that she knew him well enough by now to know when his gruff demeanour was an act - which was most of the time these days. They had overcome their hostility and reached a state bordering on real friendship - although the lieutenant would rather die than ever admit that.

"Of course, Lieutenant." Sharon bowed slightly, suppressing a giggle as she did so.

Andy had stood at the same time she did.

"I'll walk you to your car."

It was a statement of intent, not an offer - one which earned them a knowing look from the by now slightly inebriated Provenza. Sharon hummed her acquiescence as Andy helped her on with her blazer, a puzzled look on her face and what she could only describe as a nervous feeling settling suddenly in her stomach.

He reached for her hand as they exited the restaurant and she held his tightly, their fingers laced together. They strolled to her car in silence and Sharon started to think that maybe there was no reason for her unexplained anxiety after all. She unlocked the vehicle and turned to face him with a smile. He leaned down to her, kissing her gently on the cheek, and she turned back ready to leave.

"Sharon, wait!" His voice was urgent and so was the touch on her arm.

Suddenly, the nervous feeling that had developed while still in the restaurant turned to abject terror as Sharon realised that she knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Sharon." He took her hand gently, turning her to face him. "We have to talk about us." He looked into her eyes earnestly. He was determined to finally say what he had been feeling for so long. "We've been dancing around this for too long," he started. Sharon looked quickly at the ground, only meeting his eyes again when she realised that he wasn't going to continue without eye contact. He wasn't going to let her hide - not this time. "We've wasted so much time," he told her, sadly. "We get closer than we've ever been and then something happens and we drift again. I don't want to drift any more. I just want to be with you."

"Andy..." Sharon was conflicted. She wanted this, yet she was scared to make the leap. Terrified of letting him in. It was stupid, she knew. When they weren't actually talking about it - at the wedding, at the ballet, at her home - they couldn't have been any closer. Anyone looking at them would just assume from their body language, their interactions, that they were together. Hell, his family had assumed exactly that - and she had let them. Yet when the issue was actually voiced, all her insecurities - all the crap that Jack had used to completely fuck her up over the years - bubbled to the surface and all she wanted to do was escape. She knew it was irrational. God, she knew he wasn't Jack. She just couldn't seem to help the way she felt. She took her hand back from him and immediately shoved both of her hands into her blazer pockets. Andy sighed, frustrated. She was hiding again - he could almost see her putting the walls up. He had expected this reaction, even while he was hoping that it wouldn't happen. At least she was predictable.

He put his hands on her shoulders to stop her from turning away. Whatever the consequences now, he needed her to hear this. "I know that there are probably a million and one reasons why we shouldn't be together," he continued forcefully. "But dammit, Sharon, I'm in love with you!"

Her eyes widened in shock at the admission, but she wasn't surprised. She had known he loved her, even if she had chosen not to acknowledge it, even to herself. She had felt it in his kisses. She had heard it in the panic in his voice when he called to tell her of the threat in her building - and the terror when he realised that she was going after the stalker alone. She had seen the truth of it in those eyes that night - the night Rusty had to leave. He had come to her late, when everyone but her security detail had left, when she was all alone. He had come on a pretext, dropping by some food because she hadn't eaten, but she knew he was there for her. He had stroked her hair softly and held her in his arms as she cried.

Her mind whirled, searching desperately for an answer, for the right thing to do. Maybe she should lie to him, tell him she didn't love him too. It would certainly be easier - but then she would lose him and she knew she couldn't do that. Besides, how could she pretend she didn't love him? She loved him so completely she thought her heart might just break with the enormity of it all.

"Andy, I'm..." she began, before stopping abruptly and swallowing the words back down. They both knew what she was about to say - and they both knew that, as excuses went, this one was total bullshit. It would be insulting to both of them to even finish the sentence: 'I'm a married woman.'

They both knew her marriage was over. If she had doubted it before, last summer had been the final straw. She had finally - and, to her own amazement and blessed relief, willingly - closed the door on Jackson Raydor. She had even changed the locks this time.

Sharon took a deep breath and tried again. She forced herself to look at Andy, to meet his gentle gaze with her own. Her green eyes, swimming with emotion, locked onto his brown ones. The openness she found there almost took her breath away. He was baring his heart to her, whatever the consequences may be. He needed her to see his sincerity and she did, absolutely. This man - her beloved lieutenant - was being painfully, unflinchingly honest with her tonight and she knew she owed him the same. The last of her defences crumbled as she continued to search his eyes with her own, finally allowing him access to all of her. Finally letting him see what was in her very soul.

"Andy," she said again, her voice only slightly above a whisper but he heard every word she said. "I love you," she said simply, watching as the fear in his eyes turned first to relief and then, finally, undisguised joy. She paused, before continuing quietly. "But I'm...I'm afraid," she finally admitted.

Andy raised his hand until his thumb came to rest on her cheek, his touch feather-light, his brown eyes so impossibly gentle. She thought she might just fall apart completely under the intensity of his emotions. So slowly, he leaned down to her so that he could brush his lips against her own - once, then again, still soft but with slightly more pressure than before.

Sharon melted. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back to give him better access to her lips. His hand, still resting against her cheek, began to stroke her face gently. Her hand came up to caress the back of his neck as his tongue sought permission to enter her mouth - permission which, for the first time, she didn't hesitate to grant him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him even closer as she deepened the kiss, their bodies touching. He pushed her gently back until she was caught between the car door and his body. His free hand came to rest at her waist, his thumb drawing lazy circles against her ribcage. Her body tingled under his every touch.

* * *

"What the hell is taking Flynn so long?" Provenza grumbled as he waited for his designated driver to return. "Buzz. Go find him and tell him to get his ass back here!"

"Um, I'm not sure that's a good idea, Lieutenant..." Buzz stuttered. He saw the look on the older man's face and decided maybe it would be better to just do as he was told. He got up with a resigned sigh and went to the door of the restaurant. He opened it and looked around, spotting Andy and the Captain across the parking lot. He was about to call across to Andy when he registered exactly what was happening in front of him. Quickly, he ducked back inside and closed the door.

* * *

"You are so goddamn beautiful," Andy murmured, breaking the kiss so that he could focus instead on her neck. She hummed low in her throat as he trailed butterfly kisses along her collarbone, back up her neck to her jaw and finally back to her mouth. The tension that had been building between them for the last few months electrified the air around them.

Sharon grabbed hold of Andy's jacket and tugged him ever closer, sucking gently on his tongue in her mouth and causing him to release a groan. His hands moved down to her hips and he gently pulled her to him until there was no space between their bodies at all. Her hand moved up into his hair, her nails scraping against his scalp, sending jolts of electricity coursing through his body. He moaned into her mouth and she pressed her body against him, humming in pleasure at contact she felt like she had been waiting a lifetime for.

* * *

Buzz practically ran back to the table, sitting down quickly while avoiding anyone's gaze, particularly Provenza's. He was pale and there was a look of mild shock on his face which immediately had the rest of them intrigued.

"Buzz? Are you okay? Is he coming?" Provenza fired the questions at him in quick succession.

"Uh..." Buzz made a kind of strangled sound in the back of his throat and fiddled with a paper napkin on the table. "I didn't actually speak to him. He was a little...uh...busy."

"Busy?" Julio repeated, confused. "I thought he was just walking the Captain to..._Ohhh_." Realisation suddenly dawned when he saw the look on the other man's face. "_That_ kind of busy," Julio grinned knowingly.

"Oh no," Provenza shook his head violently. "No no no no no!"

"I don't get it," Amy piped up from her seat.

Provenza shot her a withering glare. "Enlighten her, Buzz," he ordered.

"Do I have to, Sir?" The look Provenza gave him said that yes, he did. "Fine." He closed his eyes. "There may have been kissing involved," he grimaced.

"Oh, God," Provenza muttered.

"Lots of kissing," Buzz continued. He opened one eye, then the other. Amy's face was still a blank. "Oh, for God's sake, they were making out like teenagers against the side of her car, Amy!"

Amy's eyes went wide. "The Captain and the Lieutenant?" she asked incredulously.

Buzz closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. "Yes."

"They were..._getting it on_?" she whispered.

"Yes!"

A look of sudden understanding crossed her features, before she cocked her head to the side and looked confused again. "Why?"

Provenza rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. "Because they're idiots," he said forcefully.

"About time if you ask me," Mike smiled to himself. "I was beginning to think they'd never get their act together!"

Provenza just glared at Mike in horror.

"Oh." Amy took a gulp of her drink. "So, you all knew?" she asked. "That they liked each other, I mean?"

"I can't believe you didn't!" Provenza snapped. "Flynn's been behaving like a lost puppy around her for months now, he's stopped dating, she's been going with him to all these family events - and surely you must have seen all the touchy-feely crap. You're a goddamn detective, Sykes!"

"Anyone can see they belong together. I think it's sweet," Julio said with a grin, knowing it would annoy the hell out of Provenza.

"Sweet?!" the lieutenant exploded, as predicted. "Are you crazy? It's idiotic! It's a recipe for disaster! It's...it's..."

"Calm down, Sir," Amy interrupted his blustering. "You shouldn't get so worked up, it's not healthy, especially for a man your age." Provenza gawked at her, momentarily speechless, his mouth open and his eyes wide with anger.

Mike sniggered while Julio almost choked on his beer.

"They don't even have an excuse - they're both sober!" Provenza continued his rant.

Buzz groaned and dropped his head to the table with a loud thud. "I feel like I just walked in on my parents." Mike chuckled at that and Julio grinned widely, patting Buzz sympathetically on the shoulder.

* * *

After what seemed like an eternity, Andy reluctantly pulled back. If he didn't stop now, he wouldn't be able to, and the last thing he wanted to do was spook her by moving too fast - not now he was finally under her defences. He tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at her intently.

"When you're ready, I'm here," he told her softly, those beautiful eyes never leaving hers. "I'm always here."

Her reply was no more than a whisper, but he heard it anyway.

"I know." She always knew. Leaning up to him, Sharon brushed her lips against his in a goodnight kiss. Her hand was at the back of his neck again as she moved her face next to his ear. "Call me tomorrow." Her voice had taken on a low, husky quality that meant she could have asked him to do absolutely anything and he would have agreed without question.

He held her head in his hands, his palms cupping her face tenderly. "I will call you tomorrow," he promised, smiling down at her. He stepped back and opened her car door for her with a flourish. "I love you."

Sharon grinned at him, before lowering herself into the vehicle.

"I love you, too."

* * *

Andy sauntered back into the restaurant feeling lighter than he had in a long time. Of course, this bubble was swiftly burst by his partner.

"Flynn! Where the hell have you been?" Provenza squinted at him. "And why do you have lipstick on your collar?" Andy glanced down at his shirt quickly, desperately looking for the giveaway stain. It took him a minute to realise that Provenza was chuckling to himself loudly.

"Bastard," Andy muttered, feeling his cheeks redden.

"Well, if you hadn't been up to something naughty with the Captain, you wouldn't have had to check!" Provenza snorted.

"He's got a point, Lieutenant." Julio grinned at him from his place at the table, looking only slightly chastened by the glare his comment earned him from his superior officer.

Provenza leaned forwards conspiratorially. "Anything you'd care to share with the group, Flynn?"

"Yeah," Andy snapped. "You're an asshole, old man."

"That I may be, but at least I don't go around kissing my captain."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Andy retorted.

"Give it up, Flynn - you were seen," Provenza grinned slyly at him. Andy looked at Mike in a panic, which only increased when his friend nodded at him in confirmation. Oh crap. How could they have been sprung already?!

Andy huffed a little bit where he stood before regaining some semblance of equilibrium.

"If you want a ride home, we're leaving now," he snapped at his partner.

"Spoilsport," Mike grinned at him from his seat, watching Andy's embarrassment grow.

"Now, Louie!" Andy turned and stalked back outside, cursing his partner under his breath. Nothing could quite take away the giddy feeling that was underlying his anger, though. The feeling that was caused by being around her, by feeling her against him...by hearing her say 'I love you'. Andy smiled despite himself. No, nothing could take that away from him at all.


	2. Come Down Heavy

**_A/N: _**_Firstly, I would just like to say: Wow! Thank you so much to everyone for taking the time to read this little story and for all the lovely comments - to say I am overwhelmed would be an understatement! I was so nervous posting this first fic and you guys have made me feel so welcome, so thank you all very much. Thanks also to those who have read the one-shot companion fic, 'Have a Moment'. To those of you worried that Raydor and Flynn might be leaving my head, don't be. They just pitched a tent (one of those posh ones, with actual furniture in it. Sharon doesn't do back-to-basics, apparently) so I don't think they'll be going anywhere for a while yet!_

_Apologies for the delay in posting this chapter - things slightly got away from me this fortnight, I promise I will try to be better!_

_We're heading down a darker road in this chapter, so I hope you all will stick with me to find out where we'll end up. Hold on tight: Jack's back._

_Warning for adult themes and domestic violence._

* * *

**_CHAPTER TWO :: Come Down Heavy_**

"Have you lost your mind?"

Provenza twisted in the passenger seat so that he could look at Andy, whose eyes were still firmly focused on the road in front of the car. They were on their way back to Provenza's home and he had, inevitably, started probing for details of Sharon and Andy's parking lot antics as soon as he got into the car. Drink had made him belligerent - more so than usual - and Andy had found himself inadvertently admitting that something significant might have happened between them.

"What did you say to her? What on earth possessed you to say anything? It's okay to have a crush on the Captain, Flynn, but you don't have to tell her about it!" They were pulling in to Provenza's street now - much to Andy's relief. Provenza was flapping his arms around wildly as he ranted and Andy was more than a little worried that they would get into an accident.

"I don't have a crush on her," Andy said firmly as he parked the car and they both exited.

"Yeah, right," Provenza scoffed, fishing for his keys and unlocking the front door. Andy headed straight for the kitchen and set about making some coffee for them both, as he had done a thousand times on nights like these. "What would you call it then?"

Andy turned to face his friend. "Honestly?" Provenza nodded, smirking. "I'm in love with her."

* * *

It was gone midnight when Sharon finally arrived back at her condo. After locking and bolting the door - and then checking it again, just to be safe, a habit she had picked up after the events of a few weeks ago - she placed her things on the hall table, slipped off her heels and stood for a moment against the wall, enjoying the feeling of the cool floor against her aching feet. She closed her eyes, her mind wandering back over the events of the last hour or so. A smile played at her lips as her hand came to her mouth, her fingers lightly tracing the still tingling path that Andy's lips had left on hers.

Sharon was startled by the sound of footsteps padding along the corridor. She looked up just as Rusty appeared around the corner, an empty glass in his hand.

"Hey, you're back," he smiled in greeting. He indicated the glass. "I got thirsty. How was your night?"

She smiled warmly back at him as she followed him into the kitchen. "It was lovely, thank you."

Sharon leaned a hip against the counter and watched as her foster son filled a glass from the tap and drank heavily. He cast her a sidelong glance as he did so. Something about her seemed…different. _Good_ different, he decided, but most definitely different. He decided to try a little subtle probing.

"So," he started, trying his best to sound casual. "Was everyone there?"

"Hmm?" She had been drifting again, hadn't really heard his question.

"Was the whole team there tonight?" Rusty tried again.

"Oh, yes," she smiled brightly.

"Including Lieutenant Flynn?" To hell with subtle, Rusty thought. There was only one reason she was acting like this, and he figured he knew what it was.

Sharon arched an eyebrow at him and folded her arms across her chest. "_Yes_." She drew the word out in that way she did when she was about to go on the defensive.

Rusty grinned at her response. This was new. "What happened?" he asked her directly.

"What do you mean?" she frowned.

He was still grinning. "Usually when I mention Flynn, I get the whole '_We're just good friends, Rusty_,' speech," he told her knowingly. "So…what's different about tonight?"

Sharon sighed. Sometimes she forgot just how well this boy knew her now. She stood for a moment, not sure how to respond. Then she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking at the floor as she replied. "That situation may have…evolved…" she said carefully. Silence. She chanced a glance up at him over the top of her glasses. He was grinning like the proverbial cat that got the cream, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. Sharon had to work to stop her mouth falling open in shock. "Rusty…?"

"About time!" he finally said, practically cheering.

She shook her head at him in wonder. Sometimes he really did surprise her - she had thought he would be mad, or at least wary. "You're okay with this?" she asked hesitantly.

He took a step towards her and put a hand on her shoulder, as if he were the parent and she the teenager. "Sharon," he said gently. "It's been obvious for months that you guys like each other…I mean, like, _really_ like each other." He smiled at her and she returned it, her cheeks reddening slightly. "Besides, it's not like it's someone new. I know Flynn. I like him. It's fine, Sharon. And before you say anything, no, I won't tell anyone. You deserve to be happy - if he does that then it's fine by me."

She touched a hand to his face lightly. "You're really okay with this. Really?" Her eyes searched his face. She had to make sure.

He rolled his eyes at her. "Really, Sharon. Really, really, _really_!" He turned away. "As long as I don't have to see or hear anything that could scar me for life - I'm very sensitive, you know." He ducked as Sharon picked up a towel from the counter and threw it at him. They grinned at each other then, both of them relaxed - both of them happy, for the first time in a very long while.

* * *

Provenza's face dropped instantly and his mouth fell open. "You're..._what_?!"

Andy just looked at him, amused by his reaction but knowing better than to show it just now. "I love her," he repeated slowly.

"Please," Provenza begged, "please tell me that you didn't actually _tell_ her that!"

"Of course I did!" Andy laughed, watching Provenza's face grow an ever-more interesting shade of red. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because she'll have you into a sexual harassment seminar before you can blink!"

"No, she won't."

"What do you mean, she won't? Why wouldn't she? It's classic Raydor M.O. Lull you into a false sense of security and then slap you with a disciplinary."

Andy shook his head, still smiling. "She won't, because if she did, she'd have to send herself, too."

"Why, because she had a moment of weakness when you kissed her?" Provenza looked at his friend skeptically. "I'm sure she'll come up with an excuse for that one."

"No, because she said it too."

Provenza looked at him as if he was speaking another language. "Said what?" he asked quietly, although he already knew what the answer would be.

"She told me she loves me," Andy confirmed, a ridiculous grin covering his face that suddenly made Provenza want to punch him, just to get rid of it. "We're together, Louie."

Provenza sank onto the couch and let his head fall into his hands dramatically. "It's finally happened," he moaned, shaking his head from side to side. "You've both finally gone completely, stark-raving mad."

Andy said nothing, simply chuckling as he poured two cups of strong coffee. He brought a cup over for Provenza and sat alongside him on the couch. "Well, if I have," he said finally, "it's the best feeling in the whole world."

He laughed again as Provenza let out another anguished groan beside him.

* * *

Sharon and Rusty were leaving the kitchen, ready to turn in for the night, when a scratching sound from the front door drew their attention. It sounded suspiciously like a key being turned in the lock. Sharon's heart sank, knowing that it could only mean one thing.

"What's happening?" Rusty asked, wide eyed.

"It's okay, honey. I think it's Jack. I changed the locks, remember?"

There was a bang on the door then, making them both jump.

"_Dammit_!" The shout from the hallway told her instantly that not only was she right about their late night visitor, but also that he was steaming drunk. Her stomach twisted in an icy knot as he shouted again. "_Sharon! Open this damn door! My damn key isn't working. SHARON!_"

"Rusty, go to your room," Sharon said quickly. Rusty stared at her. Her whole demeanour had changed in an instant.

"Sharon, it's not as if I've never seen Jack before…" he started.

"You've never seen him when he's drinking," Sharon cut him off, her eyes still on the front door. She turned to look at him, her hand on his arm. "Go to your room, close the door and stay there, no matter what." Her eyes held a look he had only seen in them a couple of times before. Fear. He swallowed hard and nodded. "No matter what, Rusty. Understand?"

"_SHARON!_"

"Go!" She gave him a shove towards the hallway as she moved across to the front door. Rusty gave her a last look before turning and entering his bedroom.

Taking a deep breath, Sharon lifted her chin and unlocked the front door. Opening it, she was confronted with the dishevelled figure of her estranged husband.

"Jack." She uttered his name in the tone she usually reserved for suspects in her interrogation room. If he noticed, however, he didn't show it.

"Baby," he slurred, his arms flung wide as he stumbled across her threshold. She reeled at the smell of alcohol that surrounded him. "I'm home!"

* * *

Rusty stood just inside his room. His heart was hammering in his chest as he strained to hear any of the conversation coming from the living area of the condo. He had pushed the door until it was almost closed, but not quite. He held on tightly to the frame, his head resting against the minuscule gap between the frame and the door. One hand dug around in his pocket until he felt his cell phone and he curled his fingers around it so tight that he could feel the cold metal leaving an imprint on his palm.

If Sharon was afraid, there was a reason for it. He didn't want to leave her alone out there, but he didn't know if his presence would make everything worse. For now, all he could do was listen and wait.

* * *

"Why are you here, Jack?" She stood with her back to the door, facing him, her arms folded rigidly across her chest.

"Did you change the locks?" He peered at her through half-open eyes, ignoring her question.

"Yes. Now why are you here?" she asked again, more forcefully.

He ignored her again. "Why? Why would you do that? Why would you change the locks on me?" He took a couple of steps towards her before lurching slightly, propping himself up against the small table opposite the front door.

"I'm not having this conversation now, Jack," Sharon sighed and started to move further into the apartment. "You're drunk."

"I have to be, to be able to deal with you," he sneered at her as he turned himself around and followed her path. "And we are going to have this conversation if I have to stand here all fucking night!" He was shouting now, his face turning a deep shade of red, spittle flying from his lips as he jabbed his finger towards her face. "_Tell me why you locked me OUT_!"

Sharon met his gaze calmly as she began to answer him. "For the best part of two decades, I have played the part of a wife whose husband just happens to be away much of the time. I have kept up this ridiculous charade - the married woman who keeps her husbands clothes in the wardrobe, his personal effects in the bedside cabinet, as if we have a normal marriage. But we don't, Jack. We never did."

He was silent, although she wasn't convinced that he was taking any of this in. Her green eyes flashed with angry tears and she continued, because now that she had started she couldn't seem to stop, needing to finally get this out whether he actually heard it or not.

"Because the truth of it is, you walked out on our marriage years ago. I only see you every couple of years when you want money. Or _sex_." She spat the word at him, disgusted with the both of them, but mostly with herself for being so damn weak for so long. "Don't think I don't know that part of the reason you left last summer was because I wouldn't give it up any more, Jack!" His eyes flashed but he still said nothing. "And I, like a fool, put up with it. Because a part of me still loved you. Still hoped that one day, we could make it work. That the Jack I married would be the one to walk through that door. But he never did."

She stopped speaking and took a shuddering breath, waiting for a reaction. When none was forthcoming, she sighed deeply, turned away from him and began to head towards the bathroom. She needed to get ready for bed and she didn't have the energy to deal with Jack any more tonight. She half hoped he would take the hint and leave, but instead he followed her into the hallway.

"So why now? After all this time, why slam the door on me now?"

Sharon thought for a moment, before deciding to go with the honest answer. She turned and looked him in the eye, her steady gaze meeting his glassy stare.

"Rusty," she said simply. Jackson looked confused, clearly expecting something other than what she was actually saying, struggling to comprehend the words in his whisky-addled brain. "I saw you repeating the same patterns with him that you developed with our own children. I was honest with you, Jack." The tears were silently slipping down her cheeks now, the charged emotion of the evening's events threatening to take hold completely. She brushed them away angrily. "I told you what he went through, about his abandonment issues, about how easily he can be hurt. And still, you got close to him and then walked away without so much as a goodbye. I love him and you hurt him, just as you did with my other two. That's when I knew it was over. That's when I knew I was done." She took a deep breath, finally admitting the truth to herself as much as to him. "I'm done, Jack."

She watched him as he processed this information, the look on his face slowly changing into something she had never seen before. He was furious. His eyes blazed with anger and hatred and something she couldn't quite place. He looked deranged, like a volcano ready to blow - and it was all directed at her. Sharon stood her ground, far too terrified of this man in front of her to do much else. She held his gaze firmly, her green eyes dark with fear, her mind whirling, trying desperately to find a way out of this without getting hurt. Because she was convinced now that all Jackson wanted to do in this moment was hurt her.

This was bad. This was really, really bad.

* * *

Rusty almost staggered as he listened to the conversation taking place in the hallway right outside his room.

Of course he knew that Sharon cared about him. That she loved him. She had told him so, and he believed her. Somehow, though, hearing her say it to someone else - hearing her defend him so thoroughly to a man she had once loved - made it hit home all the harder.

His heart constricted painfully in his chest as he replayed her words in his head. He thought about the question Dr. Joe had posed just weeks ago and suddenly he knew he had his answer.

A roar from the hallway snapped his head up and caused him to pull his phone from his pocket, all other thoughts swiftly disappearing from his mind.

* * *

"You are still my fucking wife, bitch - and you will damn well start acting like it!"

Before Sharon had time to react, he was on her. The overwhelming stench of stale whisky filled her nose as the full weight of him propelled her backwards. She barely registered the pain as Jackson slammed her back into the closed bathroom door, his hands already tearing at her clothes.

She struggled, not seeing his fist until it was too late. Jackson punched her hard in the face, sending her reeling. Her head connected painfully with the door frame, cutting her face just above her right eye. Shaking, Sharon raised a hand to her lip, which had split and was bleeding profusely.

* * *

Rusty had his phone in his hand and was dialling when he heard the dull but unmistakeable thud of a person connecting with something solid. From the moan that followed, he knew that it was Sharon who had been hurt. Fear gripped his insides as the operator answered his call.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Yeah, my name is Rusty Beck. My foster mother is Captain Sharon Raydor of the LAPD, Major Crimes." He had backed away from the door and spoke quietly, praying that Jackson wouldn't hear him. He spoke quickly but calmly, understanding the importance of getting the information across efficiently, even though inside he felt like screaming. He had learned a lot from Sharon in the years since his last 911 call though. He had the fleeting thought that she would be proud, and tears started to sting his eyes, blurring his vision. He swiped them away.

"What's happening, Mr. Beck?" The deep male voice was gentle yet authoritative and obviously immediately on alert.

"Sharon…Captain Raydor…she's under attack in our home. We need help, now, please!"

"Who's attacking her?"

"Her husband…uh, estranged husband…they've been separated for years…" Rusty realised he was starting to ramble. "He's hurting her, please, you need to come!" Rusty faltered as the operator checked their address with him, feeling helplessly like they were wasting time. "Please!" he begged again.

"It's okay, son, stay calm. I have units and an ambulance on the way. Do you know how badly she's hurt?"

"No, I can't see her! I can't…"

"You're doing great. Are you somewhere safe?"

"I'm in my room."

"Good. Stay there."

"But, Sharon…"

"Stay there, son, you hear me? We'll be there really soon, I promise. Stay there and stay on the line with me, okay?"

"Okay," Rusty managed to croak out past the tightening in his throat. He cradled the phone to his ear as he crouched down against the wall behind his bedroom door. He closed his eyes and almost chanted the word over and over. "Okay…okay…"

* * *

Searching desperately for any way out of this, Sharon started talking softly, saying anything she could think of to placate this monster that she had once loved but no longer recognised. It made no difference. He was already too far gone. One arm pinned her to the door by her throat as the other ripped her blouse open, then forcefully shoved her skirt up to her hips. She struggled against him but she was tiny compared to his hulking frame, her terror no match for his white-hot rage. His whole weight was pressing against her neck and she knew it would not be long before she passed out. Blind panic began to set in as, for a brief moment, she considered giving in. Giving him what he wanted so that he would just leave.

Then she saw her chance. As Jackson fumbled drunkenly with his zipper, Sharon struck. She brought her knee to his crotch with as much force as she could. Pushing him off her as he yelled in rage and pain, Sharon bolted for the main hallway and her cell phone, still on the table by the front door where she had deposited it just minutes before.

Already dialling 911, Sharon frantically reached for her purse, and her precious gun. As her fingertips touched the leather, Jackson was back on his feet and hurtling towards her once more. He ripped the phone from her grasp and flung it against the wall. Sharon heard it as it shattered into several pieces. Then he had her purse, and that too was thrown far from her reach.

Jackson grabbed Sharon by her hair and half-pulled, half-dragged her towards the kitchen. A string of incoherent curses left his mouth as he raged at her for daring to defy him. She twisted, desperately trying to get out of his grip. Before she could, his heavy arm was around her waist and he swung her in front of him, her body slamming into the kitchen counter. Winded, she bent at the waist, struggling for breath.

She never saw him reach for the knife.

* * *

The strangled cry that was wrought from Sharon's throat as the blade entered her body echoed through the apartment. Rusty froze where he stood, his mouth dry and ice in his veins. For just a second, he remained where he was, lost in panic.

All at once, his body came back to life. Instinct took over, even as his stomach lurched with an indescribable dread, the like of which he had never felt before. Unable to think of anything except the woman he had come to love as his mother, Rusty flung open his bedroom door and bolted in the direction from which the guttural sound had come.

* * *

Jackson had Sharon pinned against the kitchen counter with his left hand, as his right yanked the 6 inch blade from her abdomen. There was no pain. Sharon was vaguely aware of Jackson's red face next to hers, still yelling obscenities, although she could hear nothing beyond the rushing of blood in her ears. A part of her brain registered the warmth flooding the front of her body, even as the rest of her shivered with sudden cold. She realised she must be bleeding heavily and she tried to press a hand to her side, but her body no longer seemed to want to obey the commands of her brain. She felt herself becoming drowsy even as she tried to cling on to consciousness. One thought remained as Jackson grabbed her hair in his fist, pulling her head back and exposing her neck to the blood-soaked blade. 'Rusty. I couldn't protect Rusty.'

Jackson steadied himself, ready to inflict the final blow.


	3. A Thousand Pieces

**_A/N: _**_I have caved to the pressure and updated quickly, due to popular demand! I'm not evil, I promise - it just seemed like an opportune place to leave the last chapter… *wicked cackle*_

_Again, guys…Wow. Your response to my story has been overwhelming and unexpected. I am truly grateful to each and every one of you who takes the time to read it - and to those who give even more of their time and effort to leave a comment: please know that I read each and every one…usually with a ridiculous grin on my face! I am working on replying to all of you, so know that you are really appreciated…and please keep them coming! _

_I had a crisis with my writing a couple of years ago (I used to write a lot, both fiction and other work) and stopped completely for a long while. I was so nervous about posting anything here, especially being new to fanfiction, but you all are doing wonders for my confidence, really. Thank you._

_*sappy ramblings over*_

_Warning for adult themes and graphic imagery._

* * *

**_CHAPTER THREE :: A THOUSAND PIECES_**

Rusty stood between the kitchen and the dining area, his entire body shaking uncontrollably, barely aware of the wail of sirens in the distance. Jackson was sprawled unconscious on the floor in front of him. The lamp that Rusty had used to hit him over the head - the same lamp he almost used in defence of Sharon last time Jackson showed up - was heavy in his hands.

Almost in a trance, Rusty lowered his arms and dropped the lamp to the floor. His eyes left Jackson's prone frame and scanned the room, where they came to rest upon Sharon. The sight of her jolted Rusty from his daze and he darted across to her where she lay, half upright, her back against the side of the kitchen unit. He skidded in the blood that was pooling around her motionless body, falling heavily to his knees at her side. The sirens were louder now. Relief flooded through Rusty as he thought that help must be almost there.

"Sharon?"

He cupped her face in his hands, desperately seeking some sign of life. Her eyes were half open but they seemed to look right through him and he couldn't make her focus. His eyes dropped to the wound on her abdomen which was still bleeding heavily, adding to the already large pool on the hardwood floor. He searched around for something to stem the flow, grabbing a towel from the counter and pressing it hard against her side. He had thought - hoped - that the action would provoke a response from her, but there was nothing but silence.

Rusty focused on his hands holding the towel against her still-warm body, on the blood seeping slowly through the fabric and onto his fingers, staining them a deep red. It was the same towel, he realised with a start, that she had thrown at him in mock annoyance not even an hour ago. He pressed harder.

"Don't die, Sharon. I love you. Please, please don't die."

He began to cry silently.

And the sirens came ever closer.

* * *

Provenza was still lecturing Andy on the stupidity of his actions when they were interrupted by his cell phone ringing. Provenza checked the caller ID and scowled, rolling his eyes at Andy.

"Yes, Chief Taylor." Andy made a face as Provenza spoke to their commanding officer. What the hell was the guy doing calling at this hour on a weekend? "What? ... Where? ... When did this happen? ... Is she hurt? ..." Andy turned back to see the suddenly sober expression on his friend's face. "Do we have a suspect? ... _Who_? ... You've got to be kidding me ... Oh my God ... How bad? ... Chief! ... How bad is it? ..."

Provenza was raising his voice now and Andy was starting to get worried. Whatever this was, it sounded pretty serious. He watched Provenza, concerned.

"Oh God ..." Provenza lowered his voice again as he put his head in his hand. "Is she ... I mean, she's not ... Tell me she's not dead, Chief …" The lieutenant closed his eyes at Taylor's response and swallowed hard. "Where did they take her? ... Shit, Rusty! What about Rusty? Is he ... He didn't ... Oh, thank God ... Where is he now? ... Does he have someone with him? ..."

Andy's blood had run cold at the mention of Rusty's name. From what he could gather - and the look on Provenza's face - something had happened to Sharon. Something bad. He was on his feet and grabbing his keys even before Provenza had finished the call.

"Yes, Chief. I'll gather the team and we'll meet you at the condo."

Provenza hung up the call and looked at Andy, his face pale and sorrow in his eyes.

* * *

Amy Sykes walked across Sharon's living room - from where she had been talking to Assistant Chief Taylor and the uniformed officers, to join he and Andy, standing near the kitchen. Tao and Sanchez followed her while Buzz continued to film the scene. Taylor was allowing them to take the investigation for now, under his oversight and monitored by FID, as it seemed to be pretty cut and dried. The 911 call had caught much of the assault and the evidence and Rusty's statement should give them the rest of the details. Provenza was grateful for small mercies.

Andy's eyes were transfixed by the large crimson pool covering the floor next to the counter. It looked just like any other crime scene, he thought vaguely. The home of any other victim. Except it wasn't any other crime scene. It wasn't any other victim. It was _her_.

"What do we know?" Provenza asked Amy when she and the rest of the team reached the two lieutenants.

"Well," Amy started, her usually steady voice shaking slightly. What had happened to their captain had rocked all of them to the core. "Apparently the attack started down the hallway by the bathroom. Blood on the door frame and the door itself indicates that she was hit at least once there. Then, it looks like she ran for the front door..."

"She was trying to reach her cell or her gun," Andy's voice interrupted her narrative. "She always puts her things on the table there when she gets home." He still wasn't looking at her, unable to tear his eyes away from Sharon's blood, unable to block the horrific images of her broken body that it provoked in his mind. His lips were still tingling from the sweet kisses they had shared just hours before, his ears still full of her whispered confession: 'I love you'. This wasn't what was supposed to happen next. He felt sick.

The other detectives shared a look, but none of them questioned how Flynn knew the Captain's nightly routine. Now was not the time. Provenza glanced at his friend, concern etched on his face. He wasn't at all sure that Flynn should be here - but he was also utterly convinced that nothing on Earth would make him leave. He sighed, before nodding at Amy to continue.

"That fits," she nodded. "They found her cell, smashed, by the window. Her purse - with her gun still inside - was on the floor, too. Looks like he threw them out of her reach before..." Her voice trailed off and she looked at the floor, her eyes suddenly stinging. "He stabbed her here, by the kitchen counter. Jack Raydor was hit over the head by Rusty and lost consciousness there," she pointed to where Jackson had been found. "He's been taken - with a police escort - to hospital, as a precaution."

Provenza snorted in disgust. The notion of doing anything to help the bastard who had done this was beyond his comprehension at the moment.

"The Captain fell where she was wounded," Amy continued. "She was bleeding out on the floor when the paramedics found her, Rusty by her side, trying to stop the blood…" She tried to swallow past the lump forming in her throat. Provenza patted her arm gently and started to walk away from the group when Amy stopped him.

"Sir? There's more..." Provenza turned back to her and waited for her to continue. She glanced nervously in Flynn's direction.

"What is it, Sykes?" Provenza prompted, worry now the overriding emotion on his features. What more could there possibly be?

"From the state of her clothing when they found her, and from what Rusty said he heard, they need..." she swallowed hard. "Chief Taylor thinks..." she tried again, before releasing the words in a rush. "We'll need to do a rape kit," she finally managed to say. The group was silent. Provenza paled slightly.

Sanchez clenched his fists. "Because trying to kill her in front of her kid wasn't enough?" he muttered, his fury evident in every twitch of his features.

An atmosphere of palpable anger had descended across the entire group. How dare he? How dare he do this to one of their own? How dare he do this to _her_?

"Flynn?" Provenza looked over at his friend, still standing in the same position he had been in since he got there. "Andy...?"

Suddenly Andy spun on his heels. A twisting feeling settled deep inside him, an icy hand wrenching at his insides. He was going to be sick. He turned from their little group and ran over to the kitchen, only just making it to the sink before he began violently retching.

* * *

"I'm sorry, sir, but we can only give out patient information to the next of kin." The young nurse looked half apologetic and half scared out of her mind by the furious look on the lieutenant's face.

Flynn and Provenza had gone straight to the hospital from Sharon's condo, while the others headed back to the office. It was now almost six in the morning and the team were already working the case. Flynn, however, was not interested in anything other than getting to Sharon. He needed to know what was happening with her, and this damn nurse was being nothing but obstructive.

"Now just you..." Andy started to yell at the young woman, until he felt Provenza's firm grip on his forearm.

"Listen to me," the older lieutenant said firmly, not missing a beat. "The so-called husband is the crazy sonofabitch who just stuck a 6 inch kitchen knife into her gut. One of her kids is in the ER, traumatised, and her other two are out of state. So until we are able to contact her children, the LAPD _is_ her next of kin. Sharon Raydor is _our_ family and you will treat us accordingly. Do I make myself clear?"

The nurse nodded, wide-eyed. Just then, she was rescued by a voice off to their right.

"Lieutenants?" Both men turned to see another nurse, dark-haired this time, a serious expression on her attractive face.

Andy nodded sharply.

"My name is Meghan Jones, I'm one of the senior nurses here. Chief Taylor called ahead and asked me to liaise directly with you, as Captain Raydor has no family in the immediate vicinity. Would you like to follow me?"

For the second time that day, Provenza found himself thankful to Russell Taylor. He grimaced. This better not become a habit.

Meghan turned and started down a long corridor, stopping at a door a few feet away. Andy immediately ran to catch up to her, Provenza trotting along behind.

"What's happening?" Andy demanded as soon as they had stepped inside what turned out to be a small waiting area.

Meghan closed the door behind her and turned to face them. "Please, take a seat."

"Just tell me what's happening! Where's Sharon? _Where is she_?!"

Andy was shouting again, but Meghan didn't seem fazed by it. She kept her voice calm, her demeanour gentle - she actually reminded him a lot of Sharon, Provenza thought sadly.

"She's in surgery." Meghan answered Andy's question softly. "She lost a lot of blood at the scene. The paramedics had a hard time stabilising her for transport."

Andy's mind immediately took him back to the condo. To the blood on the floor, the sticky, metallic scent permeating the air. He suddenly realised that the nurse was still speaking.

"The knife didn't penetrate all the way, but it still did a lot of damage. It took the surgical team quite a while to control the bleeding enough to even see what was going on in there…"

"But she'll be okay." Andy interrupted her. "They got to her in time, and now they're fixing her, right? She's going to be okay." His eyes were defiantly staring at her face, as if daring her to disagree with him.

Meghan touched Andy's arm gently and met his gaze as she spoke next.

"They are doing absolutely everything that they can, I promise you that," she said softly. "But…she's badly hurt. She's _really_ badly hurt…" Andy dropped his gaze and his face started to crumple with a sob. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you, Lieutenant?" Meghan asked slowly as she helped Provenza lower his stricken partner into a chair. He nodded as Provenza took a seat beside him. "I'll come back as soon as I know anything else," she promised as she stood to leave.

"Thanks," Provenza said with a nod. He waited until she had closed the door behind her before placing his hand on his friend's shoulder, squeezing it hard. "She'll be okay," he said quietly, with more confidence than he actually felt. "She's Raydor. Of course she'll be okay."

Andy covered his face with his hands and cried.


	4. It's Been a Long Day

**_A/N: _**_From here on out I will be using medical terms as they are needed for the story. I will attempt to be as accurate as possible with any necessary medical terminology and procedures. My knowledge is based on my nursing training from a few years back in a British A&E (ER) and cardiac unit. Apologies in advance for any unwitting errors._

_This story will most probably not be finished in time for June 9th. Primarily because _we STILL_ don't even have an air date for Season 3 yet, and I'm writing to stave off my withdrawal symptoms! So ignore anything that happens in S3 and just remember that this story is set beforehand!_

* * *

**_CHAPTER FOUR :: It's Been a Long Day_**

Andy's head jerked up at the sound of a knock on the door to the waiting room. He got to his feet, expecting to see the nurse entering. His dark eyes widened in recognition and surprise when a familiar figure stuck her head around the door, before pushing it open and entering the room.

"Nicole?" His voice was choked and he felt tears pricking behind his eyes again.

"Dad!" She walked quickly over to him and flung her arms around his neck. Andy wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry, Dad," Nicole said as she pulled back and looked at him sadly. "Is there any news?"

"Nothing since I called you," Provenza answered her question from his seat, shaking his head.

Andy turned to his friend. "_You_ called her?" His eyes shone with gratitude. Provenza just nodded.

"He thought I should know," Nicole added.

"Nic, you didn't have to rush down here…" Andy turned back to face his daughter, so thankful for both her and his partner in that moment.

Nicole placed a hand on his arm gently. "I wanted to," she said softly. "You're my Dad." Andy gave her a watery smile as he held her in his arms again.

"Thank you," he whispered softly. They held each other for a moment, Andy taking comfort from his daughter's unexpected yet welcome presence.

"Dad, listen," Nicole pulled back and moved towards a seat, Andy in tow. "I was wondering…what will happen to Rusty now? I mean, presumably he can't go home…"

Andy looked at Provenza, who nodded sadly. "He's still a minor," he said, looking at Nicole. "Besides which, the condo is still a crime scene." He paused, considering the question. "I guess for now he'll stay with me, or maybe with Mike Tao, depending on who is going to be around."

"He'll probably spend a lot of his time at the office," Andy added. "Why, Nic?"

"It's just, I was wondering…" she faltered, trying to decide the best way to voice her thoughts. "Do you think he would consider staying with me?" she asked finally.

The two lieutenants looked at each other, surprise evident on each of their faces.

"With you?" Andy repeated, confusion evident on his face.

"Yes," Nicole nodded emphatically. "Look," she started, shifting in her seat a little as she started to explain her thinking. "He's a kid who just went through something awful. His only real family is Sharon, and with her in here he's going to spend the next little while bouncing around between various houses and a police department." She held her hand up when Andy tried to speak. "I know he doesn't know me and that could be an issue," she added quickly. "If we ask him and he says no, that's completely fine. I would never force anything on him. I just…I just want to do something to help. I really like Sharon," she finished quietly.

Andy offered her a small smile. "What about…"

"It's fine, we discussed it this morning," Nicole interrupted her father's question. He raised an eyebrow. "Really, Dad. We have the room and he would be more than welcome. Being with a stable family might be just what he needs. From what you and Sharon have said about him, Rusty is a good kid. He just needs a break right now. I'd like to give him that - if he'll let me."

Andy looked at his daughter in astonishment. He had never been so proud of her as at this moment. "We'll ask him," he promised, pulling her into another warm embrace.

* * *

It was almost three in the afternoon when the nurse, Meghan, entered the room. Behind her, moving slowly and looking at the floor, was Rusty.

"He's been discharged from the ER," Meghan said, by way of explanation. "I told the detective who was with him - Sykes, is it?" Provenza nodded. "Right. I told her that I'd bring him straight up here. Captain Raydor is out of surgery and being settled in ITU." Andy breathed a sigh of relief at the news. He wasn't sure he could have sat there for much longer without finding someone to yell at for information. "I'll take you and Rusty to see her in a few minutes," Meghan finished, speaking directly to Andy.

"Thanks," Andy nodded at Meghan, who turned and quietly left the room.

Rusty continued to stand awkwardly by the door. Andy's heart clenched when he got a proper look at the boy. His face was pale, his eyes sunken and red from crying. His hands were shoved in his trouser pockets. It was his clothes that drew Andy's attention more than anything else, though. They were covered in blood. Sharon's blood. Andy turned to Provenza and the two exchanged a look. Provenza nodded and took out his cellphone, texting Mike to ask him to pick up some of Rusty's clothes and other essentials from the condo.

Andy stretched his legs and raised himself out of his chair, making his way slowly over to where Rusty stood. "Hey, kid," he said in a soft voice. Rusty wouldn't look at him.

"It's my fault." Rusty's voice was so quiet that Andy wasn't sure he had heard him right. He realised that he had when the boy continued to speak. "I should have gone out there sooner. I should have stopped him before he could hurt her."

"Rusty, no, you did the right thing…"

"Now she's going to die, and it's all my fault!" His voice was getting louder now and the tears had started up again, although he hardly seemed to notice.

"Rusty…" Andy tried again, but it was useless.

Rusty's head jerked up to look at Andy, his eyes full of pain and self-loathing.

"No! You didn't see her! There was blood everywhere…so much blood…I slipped in it when I was trying to get to her. And her eyes...her eyes were open, but she wasn't there. She wasn't there, Flynn!"

Andy stepped forwards and caught Rusty as he collapsed, sobbing. The boy clung to him as they sank to the floor and Andy held him firmly, a hand reassuringly at the back of his neck as Rusty clung to the lieutenant's shirt desperately.

"I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay, Rusty…it's not your fault…everything's gonna be okay…"

Andy would have given anything to make Rusty believe him.

* * *

A couple of hours later Andy found himself alone in Sharon's hospital room, her hand clasped in his, the only sound the beeping of several monitors surrounding her bed. She was hooked up to an inordinate number of IV lines: replacing fluids; pain relief; sedation and yet another blood transfusion among them. They were keeping her unconscious for the time being - '_to give her body time to heal_', Meghan had said. He flinched every time he caught sight of the angry bruise above her eye or the cut on her lip. There were fingerprint bruises at her neck and on her arms, too. His trigger finger was itching, his overwhelming need to stay by her side the only thing keeping his desire to blow Jack's head off in check.

Rusty had left maybe a half hour before - with Nicole, thankfully - after Andy had promised several times to call immediately with any news. Andy was pleased that Rusty had agreed to go with Nicole, although he realised it was probably only to keep everyone else happy. Still, Andy hoped that maybe it would help him to realise that nobody was blaming him for what had happened. Mike Tao had brought a bag for Rusty containing clothing, toiletries, his laptop and chess board. Rusty had half-smiled in thanks at Mike's thoughtfulness, until his eyes were drawn back to Sharon and his face contorted once more with grief and guilt. Andy's heart went out to the poor kid, but he just didn't know what to say to make it better. He sighed, and held tighter to Sharon's hand.

He was still sitting in the same position when Provenza entered the room a little while later. Andy looked up at the sound of the door opening and nodded in greeting at his partner. The older lieutenant placed a cup of coffee and a tired-looking sandwich on the side table and dumped a bag at Andy's feet.

"Hospital coffee," Provenza said with a grimace. "Best I could do." Andy shrugged and lifted the cup to his lips, taking a long gulp. He made a face at the weak blend. Sharon would hate it, he thought sadly. He gave the sandwich a cursory inspection but decided against it. He honestly wasn't sure he could keep any food down, his insides were still so tied up in knots - and especially not something that looked like it had expired sometime last month.

His friend gestured to the bag in front of Andy. "Change of clothes. You've been in those since yesterday morning. If you smell this bad when she wakes up, she'll dump you on the spot."

Andy rolled his eyes. "I thought that's what you'd want," he said gruffly, taking another gulp of the dishwater that was masquerading as coffee.

Provenza pulled a chair over from the other side of the room and sat next to Andy. "Yes, well," he huffed. "I still think the two of you are idiots," he grouched back. "But when did either of you ever listen to my opinion? I've long since learned to just go along with things that are out of my control and pick up the pieces afterwards."

Andy rolled his eyes again, but a small smile tugged at one corner of his mouth.

"Listen, Flynn." Provenza turned in his chair to better face his partner. "I just spoke to one of the nurses. They have the results of the rape kit." Andy felt his chest constrict painfully with dread, and he unconsciously tightened his grip on Sharon's hand a fraction. "It was negative," Provenza said quickly, not wanting to drag out his partner's discomfort. "No biological evidence, and no evidence of trauma." Andy released the breath he had been holding and closed his eyes in relief. Provenza continued: "That, along with the apparently significant bruising to Jack's groin, indicates that she managed to fight him off. She put up quite a struggle, Andy." He reached over and patted Andy's arm. "She got him good."

"Of course she did." Andy gazed at Sharon's face and squeezed her hand lightly.

"There's one other thing," Provenza added. Andy looked at him expectantly. "We still can't seem to contact her kids…"

"Shit!" Andy suddenly remembered a conversation he had with Sharon on Friday morning. Yesterday, he reminded himself… Was it really only yesterday? It felt like forever ago now…

"Flynn…?" Provenza prompted.

"Right, yeah, sorry. Uh, her daughter is on tour with the ABT - somewhere in Eastern Europe, I think she said. Ricky was going to fly out there with her - spend some time together, see the sights, that kind of thing…I'm not sure how easy it'll be to contact them." He looked at Sharon sadly, knowing how much her children would want to be here with her right now.

Provenza nodded. "I'll get Tao on it first thing," he promised. "We'll get them here."

Suddenly, one of the monitors let out a high-pitched shrieking sound. Andy leapt out of his chair, ice coiling around his insides once again.

"What's happening?"

There was a flurry of activity at the door as medical personnel came running into the room. The nurse from before - Meghan - was pushing a crash cart in front of her and giving orders to the other nurses. Seconds later, Sharon's doctor also entered.

"She's coding." Meghan didn't look up as she spoke, focused on fixing the defibrillator pads to Sharon's chest.

"Clear the room," Dr. Murphy said as he hurried towards the bed.

Meghan spoke again as one of the other nurses commenced CPR. "Sir, you need to leave." She turned to Andy when he made no move to do so. Meghan touched his arm gently. "Lieutenant." He tore his eyes away from Sharon and met her gaze, his brown eyes unfocused and full of fear. "You need to let us do our jobs. We can't look after you and take care of her at the same time. Please."

Slowly, Andy nodded. He allowed Provenza to guide him out of the room, which immediately erupted into controlled chaos behind them.

* * *

The team were preparing to leave for the day. It was still afternoon, but it was a Saturday and they had gone as far as they could with the investigation for now. Rusty had given his statement to Amy when he was still in the ER. All of the evidence had been sorted and sent to wherever it needed to go for analysis. Buzz had helped to clean up the 911 call and the team had recoiled as they heard the attack for themselves. It was probably a good thing that their perpetrator was still in the hospital, Amy thought, judging from the look on Julio's face as he listened. Jackson himself would be brought in and interviewed in the morning, as soon as he was discharged from hospital.

They finished packing up in silence, the Murder Room having been unnaturally quiet all day with the absence of their three senior detectives.

As they started to say their goodnights, they were interrupted by the beeping of Mike Tao's cell phone. He picked it up and his blood ran cold at the two-word message from Provenza.

'_Cardiac arrest_'

"Oh my God." Mike dropped the phone onto his desk and sank heavily into his chair, his stunned expression immediately setting the rest of the team on edge.

Buzz looked up from shutting off his computer. "What is it, Lieutenant?"

Mike pushed the phone away from him, unable to say the words aloud, and his three colleagues gathered around to read Provenza's message.

Julio was the first to speak: "I'll drive."


	5. Leave of Absence

**_A/N: _**_So, after being threatened with whips, chains and all sorts, here we go with the next chapter! You guys are _bossy_, you know that?! (It's all good, I love it, really! Keep the comments coming!) It's just a short chapter this time, to put you all out of your misery! _

_I've also posted two more companion pieces to this work, to create a little trilogy based off of mentions in Chapter 1 of this fic. They are 'To See Your Face' which is all about our favourite pair's trip to the ballet and 'It's Okay to Break', which deals with the aftermath of 2.18 (Return to Sender). And in case you missed it, the first one is 'Have a Moment', which is all about the wedding. These can all be read as stand-alones, or in order if you want to read them as a trilogy. It really is up to you, just as long as you read them! Pretty please…? :D_

_Now though, let's check in on Sharon…_

* * *

**_CHAPTER FIVE :: Leave of Absence_**

Andy didn't know how long he watched from outside Sharon's room as the medics fought to save her life. It felt like forever. He stood helpless, head pressed to the glass, Provenza's firm grip on his shoulder possibly the only thing keeping him upright. He watched as they shocked her again and again, her tiny body jerking, the single tone from the monitor seeming to mock their abject failure to restart her heart.

There was nothing he could do but watch as the woman he loved with his very soul lay dying in front of him.

Then he saw it. The doctor checked for a pulse once more and shook his head. He looked at Meghan, seeking agreement, before he glanced up at the clock hanging on the wall opposite Sharon's bed. They were calling it.

"_NO_!"

The roar coming from his partner startled even Provenza. He made a grab for Andy, but he couldn't have held him back for anything. Andy burst into Sharon's room, Provenza following close behind him, and grabbed the doctor by the shoulders. "No!" He said again. They were giving up. He couldn't let that happen. No way could he let them give up on her. "You have to keep going."

"Sir, it's been twenty minutes," the doctor started.

"NO!" Andy took a deep breath and tried desperately to control his anger. If ever there was a time that he needed to get his point across calmly, this was it. All at once, Andy could have sworn he felt her touch on his arm. The lightest of squeezes and then a gentle pat against his bicep. He knew it was impossible, he had to be imagining it, but still… He felt the anger dissipate, replaced with that sense of calm that only _she_ could give him. With a great effort, he let go of the doctor, but held his gaze steady. "_Please_," he begged. "She's not ready to go. She's a fighter. She just needs a chance. Give her a chance. Please."

The doctor hesitated, torn between following protocol and the utter desperation of this man before him. He made up his mind quickly. Nodding to Meghan, he gave the order.

"We'll go one more round of CPR. Start compressions please, nurse."

Meghan nodded and immediately resumed manually trying to get Sharon's heart to beat. At the same time, Provenza noticed movement outside the window. He looked up to see the rest of her team standing there, in silent solidarity with their captain. How they had got here so fast he didn't like to think, but he had never been so grateful to see them. Whichever way this went, he was going to need their help in dealing with his partner, who would likely either explode or collapse. Provenza's eyes searched Tao's face, trying to gauge what he thought their captain's chances were. He knew Mike had medical training. If he thought all was lost, she was in real trouble. Mike caught his eye and shook his head a fraction, confirming what Provenza had already known, deep down.

Andy turned to Sharon and crouched beside her, taking her hand in both of his and holding it tight. With everything in him, he willed her to live.

As the others watched silently, Andy started speaking softly.

"Sharon, I know you can hear me. I need you to fight, sweetheart. I know you're tired. I know. But you can't give up, not now. You're needed here. Your kids need you. Rusty needs you." The tears were streaming down his face now but he didn't even notice. He choked the last words out on a sob: "_I_ need you, Sharon. I can't lose you, not now...I only just found you… Please, sweetheart. Please don't leave me. I love you. God, I love you _so_ much."

"Stand back, please. Ready to shock."

The doctor's voice broke the relative silence. Andy stood upright and staggered back to stand next to Provenza. This was it. He knew that her body couldn't take any more after this, she was too damaged. It had to work. It was her last chance. He leaned against the wall to keep from falling and did something he hadn't felt the need to do in years: He prayed. Hard.

"Stand clear - shocking."

Sharon's body jerked once again. The monitor fell silent, reacting to the effort to force her heart back into a rhythm. The silence felt like an eternity. Andy's ears were still ringing from the constant beep where she had flatlined for so long.

"Come on, sweetheart," he muttered under his breath. "Come on, I know you can do this. I _know_ you can!"

Suddenly, the monitor sprang back into life - with a steady rhythm. The constant tone was gone, replaced with a staccato beep that screamed that Sharon was alive. The doctor quickly checked her vitals - which were miraculously now stable - then turned to Andy and smiled, cautiously optimistic.

"We got her."

The breath left Andy's body in a rush of relief, taking with it the very last of his energy. He sank to his knees on the floor, leaning back on his haunches and running his hands over his face and through his hair. He closed his eyes and allowed his head to rest against the wall. Suddenly everything seemed unreal. The voices around him faded out until all he could hear was the precious beeping of that damn machine.

Provenza looked over at the team outside. Amy was wide-eyed and looked like she might burst into tears at any second - for which he really didn't blame her. He almost felt the same way himself. Buzz looked quite faint with relief, while Mike had closed his eyes and hung his head, gathering himself. Even Julio looked shellshocked. All of them were acutely aware of how close a call this really was. Provenza slowly lowered himself next to his partner, cursing his aged knees as he did so.

"Flynn." He reached over and gripped the slightly younger lieutenant's arm firmly. He got no response and he leaned closer, concerned. "_Andy_!"

Andy forced himself back to reality, opening his eyes to find Provenza's concerned face hovering inches from his own.

"Jesus, Louie, don't _do_ that!"

"The nurse would like to speak with you, if it's not too much trouble," Provenza bit back, although he squeezed Andy's arm in support, belying the feigned normality of irritation. Andy manoeuvred himself into a slightly less uncomfortable sitting position on the cold floor, his arms resting on his knees, before his eyes moved from Provenza to Meghan, who was kneeling in front of him, smiling kindly.

"Are you alright, Lieutenant?" she asked gently.

Andy nodded, slowly. "I think so," he said thickly. "I'm just a bit..." He faltered, struggling for words.

"Shocked," Meghan finished for him. He looked at the floor between his legs and nodded weakly, trying not to cry. "Of course you are. Nobody should have to watch that happen to someone they...care about," she finished carefully. "It's okay, Lieutenant."

He took a deep, shuddering breath.

"So, what now?" Andy hardly dared to ask the question.

"Well, she's stabilised, which is great," Meghan started encouragingly.

"But..." Andy pushed. He had to know what they were facing, even if he didn't want to hear it.

"She's not out of the woods," the nurse admitted. "The next twenty-four hours or so will be critical."

"And if this happens again?"

Meghan sighed and suddenly seemed to find the floor tiles rather interesting. She always hated this question, no matter how many times she heard it.

"She won't make it." Andy answered his own question. His eyes filled with tears again and he choked out a sob. Provenza felt a lump in his own throat. It was crazy, he thought. In two years he had gone from hating this woman, to not being able to imagine the Murder Room without her. How the hell did that happen?

"Let's just take it one step at a time," Meghan said. She looked into the lieutenant's brown eyes and was moved by the raw pain she saw there. "She's alive and her heartbeat is good and strong. Now we need to give her body time to recover. I'm not going to lie to you, Lieutenant. She's still very sick." Andy nodded and swallowed hard. "We need to work on lowering the sedation next. She has a hard road ahead of her." She squeezed his hand briefly. "But she has a good chance now."

* * *

While the nurses buzzed around Sharon, and Flynn took his now-customary place in the chair at her bedside, Provenza quietly left the room to join the rest of the team outside. The shock and anxiety that they were all feeling still permeated the air around them. Julio had placed a hand gently on Amy's arm, the look on his face caught somewhere between concern for her, fear for his captain, and the near-permanent rage that had taken root in all of them since this whole thing started, less than twenty-four hours earlier.

Nobody had slept in almost double that, having worked a long day Friday and then been called to the condo Friday night.

Provenza looked around at the team, trying to decide what their next steps should be. Eventually, he settled on a course of action.

"Go home, get some sleep, enjoy what's left of your weekends," he said firmly. "Tomorrow, I'll have Jack Raydor picked up and taken straight to County, where he can stew until we're ready to interview him on Monday morning."

Julio looked surprised. "Sir, we don't mind coming in tomorrow."

Provenza smiled slightly at the younger detective, although it came off more as a grimace.

"We won't have any lab results back until Monday," he reasoned. "Lawyers are notoriously difficult to get hold of on a Sunday, and we won't be able to get our _suspect_," he said the word disdainfully, "in front of a judge until Monday, anyway. If we get anything new in the meantime, I'll let you know, but otherwise we're at a standstill. So take tomorrow. Get your heads together. Do whatever you need to do to process the events of the last few hours - and then come in to work on Monday morning ready to take this bastard down."

The rest of them nodded, reluctantly. As much as they wanted to get on with things, they knew that the older lieutenant was right.

Provenza turned to head back into Sharon's room, before stopping abruptly.

"One more thing." Four faces looked at him expectantly. "I don't want anyone communicating with Flynn about anything to do with the case."

"But, Sir…" Amy looked puzzled. "He's part of the team."

"And in case you hadn't noticed, Sykes, he's also emotionally involved with the victim."

"I still don't get it. Why wouldn't you want him to be updated on the case?"

Provenza sighed. Why did he always have to spell out the obvious?

"Because my main concern right now is stopping Flynn from going down to Jack's hospital room and shooting him in the head. Hearing the gruesome details is not going to help with that."

"Oh." Amy swallowed hard and nodded. "Okay."

* * *

Sunday came around without further incident, although Andy had spent a restless night mostly holding Sharon's hand and watching her closely, terrified that her heart would stop beating once more.

The medics began to lower her sedation early that morning. They had warned him that it could take some time for there to be any sign of improvement, but Andy was still disappointed when there was no change in her condition at all. He just wanted her to wake up. He needed to have her back with him. He needed to be able to hold her in his arms and keep her safe. Damn it all, he just _needed_ her.

Rusty came to visit around mid-morning, and Andy had to admit that he was pleased to see the boy. The hours spent away from here seemed to have done him some good and while still tired and shaken, he at least appeared somewhat rested. The deathly pallor of his skin had retreated somewhat and his eyes had a little of their spark back. He still wore a heartbreaking expression of guilt though.

The look of relief on the boy's face when he saw Sharon made Andy's heart hurt. He had called Nicole last night to tell her what had happened and she had texted him later with updates on Rusty. The poor kid had been desperate to come straight to the hospital, alternating between frustration and despair when he was told to wait.

Eventually, Andy had spoken to Rusty himself, promising him that if he thought Rusty needed to be there he would have Nicole bring him in right away. He had finally persuaded the boy that getting a good night's sleep and visiting the next day would be more beneficial to everyone - although he knew that Rusty hadn't been convinced. At least he hadn't thrown a tantrum, Andy thought. That would have been just about more than he could deal with right now. The fact that he hadn't was testament to the time he had spent living with and learning from Sharon, he realised with a sad smile.

* * *

Andy stood outside the hospital entrance and breathed deeply, revelling in the feel of the fresh air on his skin. He and Nicole had left Rusty sitting by Sharon's bedside, reading to her softly from a well-thumbed book of Shakespeare plays that Mike had brought to the hospital from the condo. Andy was grateful for the opportunity to get outside, as well as to spend a few hours with his daughter. A large part of him felt guilty though, feeling that he should be up there with her, not down here in the sunshine.

"Dad? You okay?" Nicole's face was a picture of concern. He looked awful and she was becoming genuinely worried for him.

"Yeah." Andy nodded and tried a smile, which was rather unconvincing. He gazed up at the building distractedly.

"You should go home, get some sleep."

"I'm not gonna do that, Nic."

She touched his arm gently. "Dad…"

"I'm not going home! We'll go get some lunch and then I'm going back up." He turned and started to walk in the direction of a small diner across the street.

Nicole sighed, frustrated. She caught up with him at the diner entrance and followed him inside in silence. Once they were seated and browsing the menu, she tried again.

"She won't thank you if you make yourself ill, you know."

"Nic…" His tone carried a warning and she knew him well enough to know that it was time to stop pushing. That didn't mean that it was time to give up, however.

Excusing herself to use the bathroom, Nicole left the table. Once out of her father's line of vision, she pulled out her cellphone and dialled Louie Provenza.

* * *

Provenza walked slowly along the hospital corridor until he reached the Captain's room. He paused for a moment to look through the glass, taking in the now-familiar sight of Andy in the chair next to her bed, his fingers laced with hers and his head resting on the bed at an obviously uncomfortable angle.

The lieutenant sighed - Nicole was right. At some point, he was going to have to do something about this. If Andy didn't get some proper rest soon he was likely to end up in a hospital bed himself. At some point, Provenza promised himself. But not yet.

He shifted the bag of fresh clothes on his shoulder and gripped the paper bag full of deli food under his arm, trying not to spill the fresh cup of coffee all over himself as he did so. He pushed open the door to Sharon's room with his free hand and prepared his best sarcastic greeting as he went inside to sit with his friend.


	6. Make it Strong

**_A/N: _**_It seems I owe some of you lovely readers an apology - or at least a few boxes of tissues - for the last chapter! It did get a bit emotional in there, didn't it? But hey, at least I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger…! (Sorry, too soon for humour?!)_

_Thanks again to everyone for all your comments and encouragement on the story so far. Reviews keep me going, so if you have the time to leave one I'll love you forever! Thanks also to my guest reviewers - I'm sorry I can't respond to you personally but please know that you are so appreciated!_

_We're leaving Sharon and Andy for a bit and heading to the Murder Room, where you are getting two DDA's for the price of one! Yes, everyone's favourite (and least favourite) attorneys are in the building! _

_I know, I know, I spoil you. You can thank me later!_

* * *

**_CHAPTER SIX :: Make it Strong_**

The clicking of stiletto heels announced the imminent insertion of a prosecutor into Provenza's Monday morning. He looked up from his crossword puzzle, surprised to see not one, but two DDA's marching into the Murder Room.

"Hobbs. Rios. To what do we owe the honour of two such distinguished attorneys visiting our humble abode?"

Emma Rios cocked her head to the side as she studied the Lieutenant, unsure whether he was mocking them or not. Andrea Hobbs quirked a smile at him in greeting.

"Emma is your prosecutor on this one, Lieutenant Provenza," she began to explain.

"Of _course_ she is," Provenza muttered, throwing his newspaper onto his desk with a thud.

"I'm just here for backup," Andrea continued without missing a beat. "We weren't sure you'd like Emma's…_approach_…to this one."

Provenza narrowed his eyes and studied the two women, as the rest of the team looked up from their desks, intrigued by the direction the conversation was taking. This could mean nothing good.

"Please," Provenza said in a dangerously low voice. "Tell me you are not about to offer Jackson Raydor a _deal_."

Andrea took a deep breath as Emma lifted her chin defiantly.

"That is exactly what I am about to do, Lieutenant," she confirmed.

"_What_?" Julio was on his feet, indignation written across his features. "Why would you do that? We have all the evidence we need to put the guy away for what will probably be the rest of his life!"

Emma turned to face the younger detective. "Which is exactly why I'm offering him a deal, Detective _Sanchez_." She stressed his last name carefully, ever mindful of getting it right this time. "He's not going to plead guilty to a charge of first-degree attempted murder if he knows he's never getting out of prison. That means going to trial."

"So you're afraid of trial all of a sudden?" Provenza scoffed. "I thought you just loved strutting around that courtroom like you owned the place!"

Emma threw an exasperated look in Andrea's direction. The blonde smiled at her encouragingly, nodding for her to continue her explanation.

"If we go to trial," she explained patiently, her voice clipped, "then _Rusty_ will be our star witness. He's the only one who was present for the whole thing from beginning to end." She paused and looked around the room, gratified to see understanding slowly dawning on the faces of the detectives around her. She couldn't help the sarcasm that coloured her next words. "I would have thought that _you people_ would want to spare him having to go through another trial at all costs."

The room was silent as they each processed what she was saying. Annoyingly, she was right, Provenza realised, although he wasn't sure her motives were entirely altruistic. He did wonder if it had less to do with protecting the boy, and more to do with Emma just not wanting to have to deal with him again. Still, there was no denying that Rusty could not cope with another trial - he'd only just got his life back. There was also no way the Captain would want him to have to go through all that again.

"So, Rios," Provenza said slowly, meeting Emma's gaze. "What's the deal?"

* * *

While Emma disappeared to fill Taylor in on the proposed plan, Andrea pulled up a chair next to Provenza's desk. He eyed her suspiciously from behind his newspaper, but relaxed when she began to speak.

"How's Sharon?" Her face was filled with genuine concern. "I was away this weekend, I didn't hear what happened until this morning," she continued, the emotion in her voice plain to him.

He put his newspaper down on the desk again and sighed.

"She's…doing okay," he said slowly. He thought for a moment. "I spoke to Flynn this morning. She's been moving slightly, making sounds, but she hasn't woken up yet and the doctors are…_concerned_…" He smiled sympathetically as Andrea nodded and swallowed.

"Flynn is at the hospital with her?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion.

Provenza made a noncommittal noise in his throat and nodded carefully.

"I'm friends with Sharon, Lieutenant," Andrea said in a low voice. "I'm well aware that the two of them are…_close_."

Provenza caught her eye and looked skyward for a moment, causing the blonde to laugh softly.

"He hasn't left the hospital since she was admitted," Provenza told her.

Andrea's eyes went wide at that. "Really? How's that gone over with Taylor?"

"Actually, there hasn't been a problem." The lieutenant grinned, chuckling at the look of incredulity that spread across her features.

It was true, actually. Taylor had not mentioned Andy's absence from work, except to ask Provenza to inform Lieutenant Flynn that he would be putting it through as leave owed, and not to worry about it.

Whether the man had sensed what was going on between his two subordinate officers, Provenza wasn't sure - it was possible, of course, that he simply believed that they were close friends. The lieutenant also couldn't tell if Taylor was planning to use this as leverage for a favour in the future, or if he was simply being kind. The skeptic in him assumed the former, but he had to admit that Taylor had surprised him greatly over the last few days.

It didn't matter right now, anyway. All he cared about - all any of them cared about - was getting Sharon well and back among them…and getting that bastard husband of hers locked up.

As if on cue, Emma Rios reappeared next to his desk.

"Okay, Lieutenant. Let's do this."

* * *

"Good morning, Mr. Raydor. My name is Emma Rios, I'm with the District Attorney's office."

Emma and Provenza entered the interview room together with an air of determination. They may not like each other much - or at all, Provenza grumbled silently - but this morning, they had a common goal: Put Jackson Raydor in jail, where he belonged.

"I remember you," Jackson replied, looking her up and down appreciatively. Provenza scowled at him but Emma didn't flinch. "You're that irritating little DDA that my wife hates so much," he finished with a smirk and a leer.

Emma and Provenza both ignored the remark and took their seats, the DDA setting out a legal pad and some documents in front of her.

"Are you sure you don't wish to consult with an attorney before we begin?" she asked, keeping her eyes down and her tone neutral.

"I _am_ an attorney."

Emma looked up from her legal pad and nodded curtly.

"Fine." She folded her hands together on the table and stared him directly in the eye. "I'm prepared to offer you a deal."

Jackson narrowed his eyes at her. "Go on."

"Second-degree attempted murder. You'll serve five to ten years."

Jackson sat back in his chair and openly laughed at her. "You've got to be kidding me. It's domestic violence at best! _And_ it's a first offence."

"It is _not_ domestic violence, Mr. Raydor." Emma's voice dropped an octave dangerously. "You are not domiciled at the Captain's residence, and the two of you have been legally separated for two decades. No jury is going to buy domestic violence."

"Okay," Jack's laughter subsided but he still wore a cocky grin. He leaned across the table towards the young DDA. "Assault with a deadly weapon, then. I'll be out in three."

Provenza snorted in disbelief.

* * *

"Is this guy for real?" Buzz shook his head incredulously at the screen in front of him.

"Unfortunately, yes," Russell Taylor replied from where he stood behind Buzz. He knew Jackson of old - mostly by reputation - and this little display didn't surprise him one bit.

"He'll be claiming self-defence, next," Julio muttered, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

"He wouldn't dare!" Amy looked around at the rest of them, her expression one of horror when Mike lifted an eyebrow at her. "_Would_ he?"

"Don't tempt fate," interjected Andrea, from the seat beside Buzz. Her eyes hadn't moved from the conversation taking place on the screen. "After the stunts he's pulled on Sharon over the years, I honestly wouldn't put anything past this guy."

* * *

"The offer is second-degree attempted murder. Five to ten," Emma reiterated, calmly.

"You're crazy."

"Otherwise we go to trial on first-degree attempted murder and I will be seeking a minimum fifteen year sentence."

"Good luck with that," Jackson scoffed. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back in his seat again. "You can't prove first-degree. There was no _intent_. I didn't bring a weapon into the apartment with me, the knife was there already. A weapon of opportunity."

"So you say. However, once a jury hears the 911 call and the evidence from Captain Raydor and her foster son, and sees the extent of Captain Raydor's injuries, I don't like your chances of an acquittal. You had been in the condo recently. You knew where to lay your hands on a weapon. And most importantly, you continued the attack after you had already incapacitated the Captain with a near-fatal stab wound. Believe me, intent won't be a hard sell."

Jackson thought about this for a moment. He tried to maintain an air of nonchalance, but he had visibly deflated as she spoke.

Provenza had sat silent for most of the exchange, allowing Emma to take the lead. Now, however, he could hold his tongue no longer.

"Do you realise how close you came to being charged with murder?" he growled at the man in front of him. "She nearly bled out right there on the floor. She nearly died in surgery. And when she went into cardiac arrest on Saturday night, it took them almost thirty minutes to get her back." Jackson's face had gone white as Provenza spoke. "She still hasn't woken up. It could still go either way. So don't you _DARE_ sit there smirking and telling me how little time you're going to do. If I had my way, you'd die behind bars! Believe me, this offer is a _GIFT_!"

Provenza was on his feet now, leaning across the table and shouting. Jackson shrank back into his chair. He at least had the decency to look remorseful, Provenza noted.

Unfortunately, that only lasted as long as it took Provenza to retake his seat. Once the imminent threat was gone, Jackson leaned forward again. The smirk was back in place, although his eyes betrayed his shock at what he had just been told.

Provenza was breathing heavily, looking as if he might just bypass the deal-making process altogether and shoot Jackson himself. Emma touched his arm in support as she stood and faced Jackson.

"This deal will remain on the table for the next hour." Her no-nonsense stance was a glaring indicator that negotiations were over. "After that, I will be seeking the maximum penalty on a charge of first-degree attempted murder. Are we clear, Mr. Raydor?"

"Crystal," Jack snarled.

"Good."

Provenza stood and held the interview room door open for Emma as she gathered her things and strutted out. He was about to leave himself, when suddenly he turned back to face Jackson.

"Hey, Jack." The lawyer lifted his head arrogantly in response. "Take the deal. Prove to your kids that you're capable of doing the right thing, for once in your miserable life."

* * *

"Do you think he'll take the deal?" Amy anxiously asked the rest of the team, assembled in Electronics.

"He'd be a fool not to," Mike reasoned. "And Jackson Raydor is no fool."

"He's a vindictive sonofabitch though," Provenza said, entering the room at the same time as Taylor left. "I wouldn't put it past him to take it to trial, just to spite her."

Mike nodded, thoughtfully.

"But surely his sense of self-preservation will kick in," Amy said. "He's looking at serious jail time if he doesn't take it."

"He's looking at something much worse than more _jail_ if he doesn't take it," Julio muttered darkly. He didn't elaborate, but he didn't need to. The rest of the team got his meaning loud and clear. He was like a coiled snake, ready to strike, his fury at the man on the screen in front of them pouring off him in waves.

They all understood, of course. They all felt the same. The troubles of the past were long behind them. For many months now, the Captain had held their respect, their loyalty and even their friendship. They were all wounded by what had happened to her - and each one of them wouldn't need much of an excuse at all to deal with Jackson Raydor. Permanently.

* * *

Sharon was trying to remember something - it was important, she knew - but the fog of morphine clouding her brain just wouldn't allow the thought to take hold. Until it did. Suddenly, her eyes flew open.

"Rusty!"

In her mind she was screaming, but the name was a mere whisper as it left her lips.

Andy was immediately alert. "Sharon? Sharon, it's okay, you're okay." He stood and gently placed a hand on her head, stroking her hair while his other hand took hers and squeezed it softly. "It's okay sweetheart, everything is gonna be just fine," he soothed.

"Andy," she breathed, her eyes falling closed again. She forced them open, struggling to focus on his face, on his voice. "Where's Rusty?"

"He's fine, please don't worry." Quickly, he pushed the call button beside her bed. Almost instantly, Meghan's head appeared round the door.

"Everything ok, Lieutenant?" she asked.

Andy grinned at her. "She's awake!"


	7. Can I Have a Moment, Just to Say Hello

**_A/N:_**_ Firstly, can I please just say how exceedingly JEALOUS I am of everyone who finally gets to watch Season 3 tonight?! All _we_ have been told so far regarding an air date is 'sometime in the Autumn'. _AUTUMN.**_SERIOUSLY_**_? So please, people, while you are settling down with our favourite characters, spare a thought for little old me, crying quietly into my large tub of ice cream, won't you? You will, won't you?!_

_Okay, okay, on with the show…it's a bit of a longer one this time, I think I must be on a roll!_

* * *

**_CHAPTER SEVEN :: Can I Have a Moment, Just to Say Hello_**

After several long minutes spent checking Sharon's vitals, orienting her to her surroundings and helping her to freshen up a little, Meghan called Andy back into the room from where he had been waiting in the corridor outside, his foot tapping against the tile nervously. Dr. Murphy smiled encouragingly at him as he entered.

"Don't look so worried, Lieutenant," he said kindly. "Everything is looking really good."

Andy smiled slightly, but he couldn't shift the nagging anxiety that sat in the pit of his stomach.

"Why was she out for so long, Doc?" he asked quietly, as Meghan leaned over the bed to adjust Sharon's pillows.

"Honestly, we don't know," the doctor replied. "Maybe she just needed the sleep." Andy rolled his eyes and the doctor sighed. "I _can_ tell you that I'm really pleased with her progress now. She's coherent, her physiological and neurological responses are normal and she's managing to keep small amounts of fluids down. These are all excellent signs. I'm confident of a full recovery - _in time_," he qualified.

Andy searched Dr. Murphy's face for any signs that he was holding something back. When he was satisfied that he was indeed getting the whole truth from the physician, he nodded and turned to face the bed again, throwing a muttered "Thanks, Doc," over his shoulder as Murphy left the room.

Sharon was sitting up in bed, looking tired and bruised but remarkably like her old self, considering everything. She was down to just the one IV now, administering fluids and antibiotics, as well as the occasional shot of pain relief from a pump beside the bed. He immediately took his place at her side, his relief at her finally being conscious written all over his face.

Sharon shifted in the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position. The movement caused her to yelp in pain and the colour drained from her face alarmingly.

"I'm alright," she said, before either Andy or Meghan could make a move to help her. "I can do this by myself." Her voice sounded hoarse from lack of use, but the determined inflection it held was all Sharon.

Meghan smiled at Andy while Sharon slowly sat herself more upright, hissing with pain at every movement. Andy winced watching her, longing to help.

"Stubborn one, isn't she?" Meghan chuckled.

Andy looked at her, an eyebrow quirked. "You have no idea," he deadpanned.

"And my ears are working just fine, too," Sharon grumbled. "So don't even _think_ about ganging up on me." She glared at Andy as she rested back against the pillows, but he caught the tiny sparkle of humour in her gaze. "Lieutenant Flynn."

"Yes, Captain?"

"Get over here."

Andy stood and stepped forward to the side of the bed. Placing his hands carefully on either side of her body, he leaned down to her.

"Yes, Captain?" he repeated, joy dancing in his eyes for the first time in days.

She grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, closing the gap between their faces. He understood what she wanted immediately - it was something he had been craving ever since Friday night. It felt like months ago now. Gently, he brushed her lips with his own, mindful of the still-healing cut to her bottom lip. She closed her eyes and pressed her mouth to his firmly. His hand moved to the back of her head, under her hair and he caressed her neck, causing her to hum softly. God, he had missed that sound. He pulled back and found himself staring into her emerald gaze, still slightly unfocused because of the narcotics she was prescribed for the pain.

"Hey," he said softly, his hand moving to stroke her face.

"Hey yourself."

"I missed you."

She smiled and hummed at him. He kissed the tip of her nose and then the top of her head before moving away to sit back in the chair. He scooted it as close as he could to the bed and immediately found her hand with his.

"Okay, so I'm just going to leave you two to it!" Meghan grinned at them from the foot of the bed. "If you need anything at all Captain, just press the button, okay?" she said seriously. Sharon nodded obediently. Seemingly satisfied, the nurse tucked Sharon's charts away and quietly left the room.

"So," Sharon continued once Meghan had gone. "Rusty?"

"Is fine, Sharon," Andy grinned. "He's okay, he's spending the afternoon with Provenza." She looked at him skeptically. "He's _fine_, Sharon, I promise. He's…uh…he's actually been staying with Nicole." Sharon's face registered her confusion. "She thought he'd do better in a family home, rather than being shuttled back and forth between team members and the office," he elaborated. "He's getting on great with the boys. I don't think they'll be wanting to let him leave!"

Sharon's eyes were suddenly bright with unshed tears.

"That is incredibly kind of her," she murmured.

Andy held her hand, his thumb absently drawing circles at her wrist. "She's a good girl. She wanted to help," he explained. "She likes you."

Sharon smiled and lifted her hand to stroke his face tenderly. "I like her." He held her hand to his cheek and nuzzled her palm, revelling in the feeling of her warmth on his skin.

"She has a good heart," Andy smiled proudly.

"She gets it from her father." Sharon's thumb caressed the side of his face. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm and the inside of her wrist. She studied his face closely. He looked exhausted and she wondered when he last slept properly. Knowing Andy, not since she had been brought in here. She would have to try to get him to go home soon - though, selfishly, she really didn't want him to. "Is Rusty really doing okay?" She asked, concerned. Andy nodded reassuringly.

"He saved your life." He smiled sadly down at her and she screwed her face up, struggling to remember. "He hit Jack over the head with a lamp, just as Jack..." Andy hesitated. He didn't want to be the one to tell her what had happened, if she couldn't yet remember. He didn't want to be the one to break her heart.

Sharon looked up at him, her eyes as pale a green as he had ever seen them.

"Jack was about to slit my throat," she finished sadly. "I remember." Her beautiful face was a mask of sorrow, her eyes filling with tears. Andy felt the lump in his own throat as he tried not to break down himself. She needed him to be strong now, but his heart ached for her. He held her hand in both of his, his fingers entwined tightly with hers. She looked away, towards the window. "How could I ever have loved him?" she whispered, more to herself than to him. "How could I ever have allowed my children to have a father who could do _this_?"

"Hey," he said firmly. "This is not on you. It's on him and his inability to be a halfway decent human being."

She was silent for a moment, her hand clinging to his almost painfully as she fought to regain control of her emotions. Finally, she turned back to him, her eyes finding his. His whole being ached at the pain he saw there.

"Andy."

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Could you please pass me the morphine button?" Her face was pale again and she looked drawn. Andy knew she must be in immense pain to ask for the morphine - she wasn't a fan of taking meds of any kind. He also knew that she wasn't convinced by what he'd said about her and Jack - one thing Sharon was great at was taking responsibility, even when it wasn't hers to take. He decided against pushing the issue now, though. She was hurting too much. He complied with her request and she pushed the button immediately. He watched as her face relaxed and her eyes became clouded.

"Get some sleep," he urged gently. "I'll be here when you wake up." She blinked slowly in acknowledgement - too tired to argue and longing for his presence too much to try to make him leave. She held her hand out for his again and drifted off to the soothing patterns his thumb had once again taken to drawing on her skin.

* * *

Andy must have fallen asleep too, although he hadn't intended to, because he woke with a start to the sound of whimpering. His eyes snapped open when he identified the source of the noise as the woman on the bed in front of him.

Sharon had rolled onto her injured side facing him, pressed up against the rail at the side of the bed. Her face was pale and damp with sweat and the sounds leaving her mouth chilled him. She was obviously in the middle of a nightmare.

As he rose from his chair, she started thrashing about, the whimpers turning into cries of panic. He quickly negotiated his way around the bed to her other side and lowered the rail on the far side of the bed, knowing he had to calm her, terrified that she would tear her stitches and end up back in surgery. Laying himself carefully down next to her, he gathered her in his arms.

She turned into him immediately, cries of pain mixing in with the anguished noises she was already making as she moved. He cradled her gently, one arm holding her against him as he softly stroked her hair with his other hand.

They lay like that for a long while, the soothing sounds Andy was making interspersed with Sharon's sobs. She was awake now, he knew. She had been almost since he had first touched her. She clung to him, his shirt clutched tightly in her fist, her face buried between his neck and his shoulder - just as she had a few short weeks ago, on the night Rusty left her. Now, just as then, her breath was hot on his skin, her tears dampening his shirt as he held her. Her cries had changed from the terrified screams of someone trapped in a nightmare to the heartbreaking sobs of someone who had woken, only to find that their nightmare was all too real.

* * *

Sharon was asleep, still curled tightly in Andy's arms, when Provenza entered the room later that afternoon, accompanied by a nervous-looking Rusty.

Rusty's stomach flipped at the sight of her looking so tiny, so fragile. Thanks to the constant reassurances of everyone around him, he was finally starting to believe that what happened to Sharon wasn't his fault - but he would still have given anything to change the outcome. To do just _one_ thing differently so that she wasn't lying there looking so…so _broken_.

"Hey, kid," Andy greeted him softly.

"Hi," Rusty choked back, unable to tear his eyes away from Sharon.

"It's okay," Andy said softly. "She's doing good. She's just tired."

"_She_ can speak for herself." The soft voice coming from somewhere near his chest made Andy chuckle.

"See?" he told Rusty. "She's just fine."

Andy moved his arm from underneath Sharon and gently lifted himself off the bed. He leaned down, helping her to adjust her position. This time, she didn't fight the assistance. She moaned as he lifted her slightly so that she was more upright, the pillows propped at her back a welcome presence. She felt dizzy every time she moved - whether from pain or medication she wasn't sure - and she sank back into their soft support gratefully.

"Do you need any more meds?" he asked her softly, his eyes fixed on her face.

She shook her head in response. "No, not now. I'm alright. I want to stay awake for a while." She smiled a little as she inclined her head a fraction towards Rusty.

Andy understood her reluctance, her need to be with the boy, although her expression did little to hide the discomfort that she was in.

"Okay," he nodded. "But if it gets too much…"

"I'll use the pump." She smiled at his disbelieving expression and touched his face tenderly. "I promise."

"Okay." He leaned in to her and kissed her sweetly on her mouth, only pulling away when he felt Sharon smile at Rusty and Provenza huffing in the background.

Andy stood and moved away from the bed, pulling a chair up and indicating to Rusty that he should sit.

"I'm going to head home - shower, change, eat," he said to Provenza. The older lieutenant nodded. "I'll stop by the condo, too - pick up some things that you'll need," he told Sharon.

"Could you bring me something to change into?" she asked him immediately. "_This -_" she pulled disdainfully at her hospital gown. "- is _awful_."

He moved to the opposite side of the bed from Rusty and leaned in to steal another quick kiss from her - hearing but ignoring Rusty's exaggerated groan.

"Yeah," he agreed. "It's totally not your colour, babe."

Sharon scowled at him while Rusty tried unsuccessfully to suppress a snort of laughter.

"It _itches_," she clarified, in her sternest tone.

Andy just smiled his lopsided smile. "I will get you something else to wear," he promised. "Any preference?"

She shook her head. "Just something loose - I don't want to disturb the dressing," she requested, gingerly indicating her abdomen.

"Okay. I'll be back in a while." She lifted her head, humming softly as he gave her a final kiss. Waving at Rusty, he left the room, beckoning Provenza to join him in the corridor for a moment.

* * *

"Did you tell her about the deal?" Provenza asked, as soon as they were out of earshot.

"No," Andy responded. "She didn't have a great afternoon - and then she fell asleep. I was wondering if maybe…"

"Oh, _sure_," Provenza grumbled, "leave it to _me_. It's not like I had to spend all morning dealing with Jack Raydor and Rios or anything!" He scowled at his partner. "And that ridiculous grin of yours might work on the Captain, but it doesn't work on me." He sighed, continuing to grouch before Andy even had to say another word. "Okay, okay. Fine. I'll tell her."

"Thanks, Louie," Andy said, genuinely grateful. He honestly hadn't been sure how to approach that conversation with Sharon. It might be better coming from Provenza - he wasn't so close to the situation, and he _was_ her second in command.

"So," Provenza said, changing tack. "You'll be gone for a few hours?"

"Yeah, I have a few things to do…" Andy faltered and Provenza threw him a suspicious look. "Uh…also…I was thinking that I might…" Andy scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "I think I should hit a meeting…" he finished, looking down at his shoes.

Provenza studied his friend with eyes full of compassion and understanding. There was no judgement, not from him. What Andy had been through the last few days would cause anyone to struggle.

"I think that's probably a really good idea," he said softly. "And you're going to go home and get a few hours' sleep, too. _Proper_ sleep," he added, before Andy could protest. "You need it, Flynn. You look exhausted."

He _felt_ exhausted, Andy realised. He cast a longing look through the glass into Sharon's room - he didn't want to leave her for that long. He didn't want to leave her _at all_, but some things were more necessary than others.

As if reading Andy's mind, Provenza spoke again.

"We'll stay until you get back, Andy. The kid needs to spend some quality time with her and I have a crossword puzzle to finish." He waggled his newspaper under Andy's nose to emphasise his point. Provenza could see that his friend was still unsure. He laid a hand on Andy's arm gently. "You're no good to her if you collapse, Andy. We won't leave her on her own. I promise."

Andy met his eyes and nodded, defeatedly, his desperate need for sleep finally winning out. With one last glance at the woman he loved, he turned and made his way slowly along the hospital corridor, heading for home.

* * *

A few hours later, Rusty was starting to make noises about being hungry. He and Provenza decided that he would head across to the diner and pick up some take-out. Nicole had enthused about the place after she and Andy went there yesterday - to the extent that Sharon even agreed to Rusty picking up a small salad for her. She wasn't hungry at all, but the doctors wanted her to try to eat, and a salad would give her something to pick at, if nothing else.

As Rusty was leaving, Provenza suddenly realised that he had forgotten to order coleslaw - which was apparently vital to his enjoyment of his burger and fries.

"Rusty! Wait!" he called out, causing the boy to stop abruptly in the corridor. He turned around and huffed exasperatedly at the lieutenant.

"Lieutenant Provenza," Sharon called him back as he was about to follow Rusty out of the door. "May I borrow your phone, please?"

Provenza frowned slightly, but fished his cellphone out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her without argument.

"No long-distance calls. I'm on a fixed payment plan," he growled, wagging his finger at her.

Sharon looked at the ceiling and smiled. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

"I'll wait outside," he nodded.

Sharon hesitated until the door had closed behind him and she could see him talking to Rusty, before quickly dialling a number that she knew by heart.

A familiar voice answered on the second ring and she smiled softly to herself.

"Honey, it's me," she said quietly, shifting slightly to face away from the window into the corridor, where Provenza now stood alone. "It's alright," she soothed at the anxiety she could almost feel radiating through the call. "I'm alright, I promise. Listen, honey, I need you to do me a favour…"


	8. You'll Be Gone

**_A/N: _**_It's finally here! Apologies for the _huge_ delay in posting this chapter, especially when I had been getting so good at speedy updates! _

_There are 2 reasons for the delay. The first and most important is that my little boy ended up in hospital (he has some disabilities and this happens occasionally, but he's much better now), which was obviously decidedly Not Good News._

_The second is that Raydor and Flynn (the ones that are STILL camping in my head. Don't these people have LIVES?!) suddenly decided that they knew how they wanted this story to end. So, they have dictated the final chapter already, which is decidedly Much Better News! However, I now have a completed final chapter with no idea how to get them to that point from where we are now! It is worth waiting for though, I promise ;)_

_Ah well, such is the life of a writer..._

* * *

**_CHAPTER EIGHT :: You'll Be Gone_**

Andy could see that Sharon was struggling as soon as he entered her room that Monday night. She was sitting up in bed, listening to Rusty talk animatedly about an upcoming chess tournament that he wanted to take part in. She was visibly distracted however, shifting in the bed every few seconds, the stoic mask she wore unable to completely hide the telltale signs of the pain she was in.

On the table by the bed was a salad from the diner across the street - untouched, as far as Andy could tell. He was disappointed, but not surprised, that she hadn't eaten.

She was shaking slightly as he watched her and her breathing had become rapid and shallow. Quickly, he moved to the side of the bed, interrupting the conversation as he leaned down to her. He kissed the side of her head gently, noticing that she was clammy.

"Sharon." His voice was low but firm and she turned her head to look at him immediately. As he had known they would, her eyes betrayed her pain. "Have you had any pain relief?"

She lowered her gaze and shook her head slightly.

"No, I..."

"You promised." He held out the button for the morphine pump.

"I know, but..." she tried again.

"Sharon." His expression was kind but exasperated and she finally acquiesced, taking the button with trembling fingers. The effect of the narcotic was almost instant. Her features visibly relaxed and the tension in her body dissipated, leaving her lying, spent, against the pillows.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her slightly unfocused gaze searching Andy's face. "They just make me so damn _tired_…I just wanted to stay awake...to spend some time with him..."

"Sweetheart, I know." Andy's voice was gentle as he stroked her face with his thumb. "But you won't get better unless you _allow_ yourself to heal."

"I know…" She nodded, her eyes filled with tears of frustration, as he leaned down and placed the softest of kisses against her lips. Her hand cupped his face as she held him there and kissed him back, her eyes slipping closed for a moment.

Rusty's eyes had widened as he heard the tremor in her voice and he looked at Andy guiltily.

"She said she was okay," he said hurriedly when the two of them had parted. "If I'd known, I would have, like, _made_ her take it..."

"I know, it's okay, kid." Andy looked at Rusty and smiled reassuringly. "It's not your fault she's so stubborn."

Rusty smiled back at him, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. The boy's gaze was quickly drawn back to Sharon as she let out a whimper, shifting against the pillows, seeking out a comfortable position.

"Hey," Andy said softly, reaching out for her. "Before you get settled, I brought you something to change into. Unless you want to wait, get some sleep first."

She met his gaze and shook her head a fraction.

"I'd rather change now, if that's okay," she said quietly. "It might help…be more comfortable, anyway…"

Andy nodded and looked to Rusty, who was already out of his chair.

"I'll go find Lieutenant Provenza," the boy said quickly.

"Where is he, anyway?" Andy asked, only now realising that his partner was absent.

"Uh, he said something about the cafeteria…and coffee…and lots of young nurses on their breaks…" Rusty shrugged helplessly as Andy rolled his eyes.

"Sounds about right."

"Honey." Sharon called to him so softly that Rusty had to move beside the bed to hear her. "You don't have to leave."

He leaned down to her, hesitating only briefly before taking her hand in his and squeezing it reassuringly.

"It's okay, Sharon. Really. You need to rest now. I'll come back and say goodbye once I've rescued the nurses from the Lieutenant, okay?"

She returned the smile he gave her and gave his hand a small squeeze of her own.

"Okay," she nodded.

Rusty stood and left the room, giving Andy the chance to study Sharon as he unpacked the bag he had brought with him from the condo. He could see that the pain relief was working - she had more colour than even a few minutes before, her breathing had slowed and the shaking had stopped. He felt himself relax slightly, only now realising the panic that had gripped him since the moment he had stepped into the room and seen her looking like that.

He suddenly realised that her eyes were fixed on him quizzically. He had momentarily stopped what he was doing, lost in thought - and she, of course, had noticed. Typical Sharon. Even in this state, nothing got past her. He smiled at her, shaking his head a little, and resumed the task at hand. Sharon threw him a grateful look when he placed her glasses upon the nightstand. Then, he pulled out the garment he had brought to replace the despised hospital gown and she laughed. She actually laughed. It was a beautiful, light, joyful sound that wrapped itself around his heart, making it leap in his chest. He grinned at her in response, before making his way over to her and sitting on the side of the bed, leaning in to kiss her tenderly.

Andy held his hands out to her and helped her into a sitting position. She let out a soft moan as she moved, immediately stroking his cheek with her fingers, reassuring him wordlessly that she would be okay in a moment. When she let him know she was ready, he slowly helped her out of the gown, negotiating her IV for her and discarding the item on a chair, before repeating the process in reverse with her new attire.

When she leaned back against the pillows, Sharon was wearing one of Andy's t-shirts. The worn material was wonderfully soft against her skin, the shirt roomy enough not to rub against her wound, and it smelled deliciously of its owner - the main selling point, in Sharon's opinion.

It was the shirt he wore when he came to her condo after Rusty went to stay with Provenza. It was the one that he had removed in order to give her the contact she had craved that night. It was the one that _she_ wore when she woke in the early hours, suddenly hungry, leaving his side in the bedroom in search of food.

Laying here now, her eyes sparkled with amusement and affection as she watched him watching her, knowing that his mind had also returned to that night, just a few short weeks ago. She reached for his hand, linking their fingers together tightly.

"What made you bring this?" she asked finally, unable to suppress her smile.

"Well…" He leaned in until his face was just a fraction away from hers and he dropped a kiss onto her lips. "You seemed to like it the last time you wore it." She hummed and nodded, her thumb stroking the skin of his wrist. "Besides," he added playfully. "It looks so much better on you than on me." She smiled and hummed again. Andy captured her mouth in another kiss, longer this time, his hand cradling her neck as his thumb stroked her face gently.

They were interrupted by the sound of voices outside, followed by the door opening and Rusty entering the room, followed by Provenza's perpetually grumpy tones. Andy whirled on his partner accusingly as soon as he was inside.

"Why didn't you make her take her meds?"

Provenza just sighed and looked at Andy as if he was an idiot.

"Have you _met_ her?"

* * *

Sharon had fallen asleep pretty much as soon as Rusty and Provenza had left. Andy sat for a while on the bed with her, stroking her hair softly, his entire being calmed just by being able to touch her again. When he was sure she was settled comfortably, he stood and reached for the newspaper he had brought with him, quickly separating the sports pages and discarding the rest.

He sank into the chair beside her bed, pulling it closer so that he was within touching distance of her, just in case she needed him. As he stared at the pages of the paper in front of him, his mind wandered. Tomorrow was going to be a hard day for all of them, he knew. He and Provenza had discussed it briefly with Sharon before his partner left, the three of them coming to a decision together as to how the day would be handled. Tomorrow, Rusty would stay with Sharon while he and Provenza joined the rest of their team at the courthouse. Tomorrow, Jackson Raydor would plead guilty to attempting to murder his wife.

A part of him had been quietly terrified that she would push him away in the aftermath of all this. Something like this could easily either bring them closer together or pull them apart completely. Andy knew that her defences were likely to be pushed back up, but he had not been prepared to allow that. Not now. Not after coming so close to losing her forever. In the event, he hadn't had to worry. Instead of pushing him away, she had surprised him by pulling him closer. Every time he looked at her, he saw love shining in her eyes. Whatever else might be happening around them in the days ahead, he had seen the truth of her feelings today - and beyond that, nothing else really mattered to him at all.

Andy sighed and gave up on the paper, folding it and dumping it on the table beside him. He suddenly felt Sharon studying him as he shifted in the chair, ready to settle down for a nap. He lifted his gaze and found himself staring into the piercing green eyes he adored.

He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Yes?"

"You can't sleep there." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she watched him drowsily.

"Sure I can," he grinned. "My back is used to it now."

"I don't want you to."

"You don't, huh?" She shook her head. Andy leaned forwards in his chair, his hand resting on the bed, until his face was close enough to hers that he could feel her breath on his skin. "Well, I'm not leaving, so unless you'd rather I sleep on the floor..."

She blinked slowly at him, her hand moving slightly until she found his fingers with her own and stroked them gently.

"I don't want you to sleep on the floor," she said softly.

"Okay," he frowned. "So..."

"Andy."

"Yes?"

"Just… _Get up here_."

* * *

Jackson Raydor stood shaking in front of the judge that Tuesday morning, feeling as if he were in a dream. He could feel the eyes of Sharon's entire team burning uncomfortably into his back, making him squirm under their relentless glare. The judge had been throwing him icy glances as the case and subsequent deal was outlined by DDA Rios, and Jackson squinted at the letters on the judge's nameplate as he waited to be addressed. Judge Grove. That name seemed almost familiar. He had a feeling that the man was an acquaintance of Sharon's and he rolled his eyes at the realisation. Of course, that woman knew practically everyone of influence in this town. He was bound to come up on the wrong side of someone eventually. Jackson snapped back to reality as the judge began to speak.

"This man attempted to murder a highly decorated captain of the LAPD, Ms. Rios. And, according to the evidence, there was also an attempted sexual assault, for which he has not even been charged."

"That is correct, Your Honor."

Emma spoke in measured tones, her voice betraying none of the anxiety she was suddenly feeling. She'd had a deal go south with Judge Grove before, and she prayed that this one would not head in the same direction.

The judge dropped the papers he had been holding on to the bench in front of him and leaned forwards, his hands clasped together.

"So, I have to ask," his voice lowered slightly and Emma swallowed hard. "_Why_ this deal?"

The young DDA stood taller as she prepared to answer him.

"After discussion with Major Crimes detectives, as well as with DDA Hobbs and Assistant Chief Taylor, it was felt that this deal would best serve the interests of all parties involved in this case." Grove frowned at her, waiting for her to continue. "Your Honor," Emma pressed on, trying to ignore the intimidation she felt from him. "We felt… _I_ felt - " She decided in that moment that, as it had been her idea, she might as well own it. If it went wrong, so be it. She would just have to try to find another way around the situation. " - that a deal which was acceptable to everyone would be more helpful to the victim - and the _witnesses_ - in moving forwards, than a lengthy trial."

She met Judge Grove's gaze, willing him to understand exactly what it was that she wasn't saying. She was aware that he knew Sharon, and obviously he knew of Rusty's history, having presided over the Stroh preliminary hearing. She could only hope that he would realise the subtext, without her having to spell it out in front of Jackson.

"And what _about_ the victim?" he asked her. "How does Captain Raydor feel about this deal?"

Emma looked to Provenza, gesturing for him to join her at the front of the courtroom.

"Lieutenant Provenza spoke to her yesterday afternoon, Your Honor," she said quickly.

Judge Grove turned to the lieutenant, indicating that he should answer the question.

"Captain Raydor agrees that this deal is the best way to proceed, under the circumstances," Provenza confirmed, carefully avoiding Jackson's gaze. The attorney was watching him intently, apparently captivated by news of his wife.

"And how is Captain Raydor?" Grove asked softly.

"As well as can be expected," Provenza answered, not wanting to give too much information in front of Jackson. "She regained consciousness yesterday morning. She still has a long way to go."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Grove nodded and Provenza took that as his dismissal. He exchanged a pointed look with Emma as he made his way to the back of the room once more.

Judge Grove paused for a moment, reflective, before turning his attention to the defendant.

"Mr. Raydor." Jackson looked up at him and nodded. Grove sighed. "You are prepared to plead guilty to second-degree attempted murder, with a sentence of five to ten years?"

"That's correct, Your Honor," Jackson responded gruffly.

"And you are acting as your own counsel?"

"Also correct, Your Honor."

Grove sighed again and looked once more through the paperwork.

"Fine. I'm prepared to accept this deal."

Emma puffed out the breath she had been holding, relief flooding through her. She sank into her chair as the judge wrapped up the hearing, glancing over her shoulder at the detectives assembled at the back of the courtroom. They had been joined by Taylor, Dr. Morales and Andrea Hobbs, who gave Emma an encouraging smile as she caught her eye. Emma returned the gesture and stood, preparing to leave the courtroom. She was surprised when Judge Grove spoke again.

"Ms. Rios?"

"Yes, Your Honor?"

"Would you approach the bench, please. I would like to speak with you for a moment."

Emma looked quickly back towards Andrea, who shrugged her shoulders slightly and looked baffled in response.

"Yes, Your Honor," she replied eventually, setting her bag back down and heading slowly towards the judge.

* * *

The courtroom was filled with quiet chatter now that the hearing was over. Jackson Raydor was being prepared by two prison officers for his journey to the jail that would be his home for at least the next five years.

Emma stood awkwardly in front of Judge Grove as he finished signing off on the deal paperwork, her mind racing, wondering why on Earth he had called her back. Was she in trouble? Had she mishandled something? Spoken out of turn? She didn't think so, but she knew she sometimes had a propensity to speak first and think afterwards, even if she would never admit that to anyone else. It was something she had been trying to work on, particularly since her dealings with Major Crimes and their Captain.

The Judge wrote his signature for the last time and pushed the papers aside, turning his full attention on the young DDA in front of him. His demeanour gave nothing away as he studied her for a moment, before finally speaking.

"Ms. Rios." He looked her directly in the eye. "Would I be correct in my assumption that the deal with Mr. Raydor was primarily struck in order to avoid the need for Rusty Beck to testify at trial?"

Emma was taken aback by the question, her mouth opening and closing a couple of times before she found her voice.

"Yes, Your Honor," she said carefully, a slight frown creasing her attractive features.

Judge Grove nodded thoughtfully, before allowing the briefest of smiles to cross his face. He stood and turned to leave, before stopping and facing her again, slightly amused by the usually so together DDA's utter confusion.

"Nice work, Emma."

Whatever she had expected, it was _not_ that. She stared after him incredulously as he left the courtroom, before a wide grin spread across her face. Shaking her head slightly, she gathered her belongings and went to join the others.

* * *

If Jackson Raydor had thought appearing in front of the judge was uncomfortable, it was nothing compared to his exit from the courtroom.

Sharon's team had lined his route, and he would have to run the gauntlet of them in order to leave. Jackson swallowed hard, his hands twisting nervously in front of him, causing the metal of the handcuffs encircling his wrists to chafe his skin. Beads of sweat ran down his face and his heavy breathing echoed in his ears. His heart raced, feeling as though it would burst through his chest. He half hoped it would, wishing it would just give out on him, just kill him right there and then - anything other than what was about to happen to him. Anything other than _this_. For the first time in years, cold, hard reality hit Jackson full in the face. And for all of his bluster, arrogance and endless bravado, the man was now completely and utterly terrified.

Andy stood rigid as Jackson was led towards them by two guards. The lieutenant was flanked on either side by Julio and Provenza, each of them ready to grab him should he find himself unable to control his rage. He glared hard at Jackson as he passed, willing him to do something - _anything_ - that would give him the excuse he needed to take him down himself. He knew that Julio, at least, was wishing the same. He could feel it in every twitch of the younger man's countenance. Jackson, however, kept his head bowed, his gaze firmly fixed on the floor as he passed.

Just as Jackson reached the end of the line of detectives, a young, blonde woman marched along the corridor, striding towards him purposefully. She was impeccably dressed in a business suit, her hair immaculate, her stiletto heels echoing loudly on the marble floor as she walked.

Sharon's team gathered around silently, unsure of what was happening but prepared for anything. They wouldn't put any stunt past the man who was now being led away to begin a lengthy prison term.

The woman came to a stop in front of them, smiling as she addressed Jackson.

"Jackson Raydor?"

"The one and only," Jackson smirked, looking her up and down appreciatively. A little of his swagger returned as he leered at her, and Andy bristled.

The woman held out a large envelope that she had been clutching, unnoticed, in her left hand. She thrust it towards Jackson who took it in both of his cuffed hands, confusion now clouding his face as he looked at her.

"You've been served," the woman informed him in clipped tones. "Have a nice day!" She smiled brightly at him, before turning on her heel and marching away, leaving Jackson - and the entire Major Crimes squad - staring after her in shock.


	9. Let Go

**_A/N: _**_Once again, I am SO sorry for the ridiculously long delay in posting an update. I won't bore you with the details of the insanity of my life right now. Suffice it to say, things have been…difficult. _

_If anyone is still here with me - thank you so much for your patience. I appreciate it more than you know. _

_Reviews make my world go round, so if you 'have a moment' (see what I did there? Okay, I'll shut up now!) I would really love to hear from you._

* * *

**_CHAPTER NINE :: Let Go_**

The team stared silently after Jackson Raydor as he was led away down the corridor. He almost seemed to be in a stupor, the last remnants of his infuriating arrogance dissolving the instant he realised what was happening to him. In his chubby hands he clutched the brown envelope he had been handed by the attractive blonde, still unopened, his expression an odd mix of confusion, hurt and humiliation. He looked back only once, quickly facing forwards again when he was met with the hate-filled glares of the people who _truly_ cared for his wife. Then, he rounded a corner with his guards and was gone.

Andy released a breath he had not realised he had been holding and suddenly became aware of the aching tension in his body. He was stiff with it. Everything hurt, from his shoulders to his feet, and his head was pounding with an ache that had been building for days. It was a tension that he would have loved to release by beating Jack to a bloody pulp, instead of simply standing back and watching him walk away.

He looked around at the people gathered in the corridor with him. They made a somewhat odd bunch, he thought, and he felt a sudden surge of gratitude as he realised that they were all, from the attorneys to the cops to the pathologist, here for only one purpose - to see justice done for Sharon.

Amy spoke then, breaking the somewhat oppressive silence that had descended across this unlikely yet united group of people.

"What do you think was in the envelope?" she asked nobody in particular.

"_Well_," Provenza replied. "Now, I'm no expert - " The qualification earned him eye rolls and sniggers from various other members of the group, causing him to scowl at everyone before continuing. " - But if I had to _guess_, I'd say he just received his divorce papers."

Emma looked at the lieutenant incredulously.

"What? That's impossible," she argued. "How the hell could the Captain have gotten that done so fast?"

The rest of them exchanged glances that were a mix of confusion, amusement and smug superiority, depending upon how well they knew their Captain and her associates.

Flynn and Provenza smirked at each other briefly before answering the question as one:

"_Baker_."

* * *

When Andy arrived back at the hospital that afternoon, he was surprised - and pleased - to see Sharon sitting in an armchair next to the window. The last IV was gone and in the sunlight streaming in through the blinds he could see that her bruises, too, were fading. There was a paper bag from her favourite bakery on the table beside her and he dared to hope that she may actually even have eaten something.

She looked up from her conversation with Rusty when she sensed him standing in the doorway, a serene smile gracing her beautiful features.

"Hi," she said softly, beckoning him into the room.

"Hey," he replied as he pushed himself off the door frame and ambled over to her, bending to kiss her hello when he reached her side. He picked up the bakery bag and shook it slightly as he perched on the edge of the bed. "What do we have here?"

"She ate some croissants," Rusty said proudly, grinning widely at Andy. "Two of them."

"Two, huh?" Andy grinned back at the boy before turning to Sharon again just in time to catch her rolling her eyes. "Well, _that_ is what I call progress."

"How was court?" Sharon asked quietly, effectively ending any more discussion of her dietary intake for the moment. Andy busied himself inspecting the remaining contents of the bag, helping himself to the large donut at the bottom that he knew Rusty had bought for him.

"It was fine," he said eventually, nodding his thanks to Rusty as he took a large bite of the sugary treat. Sharon wasn't the only one who had been skipping meals lately, and he hadn't realised until now just how hungry he was. "Everything went to plan. I didn't kill him," he elaborated at her raised eyebrow.

"Good to know."

The small smile she gave him didn't reach her eyes and he knew in that moment that she was relieved only because she wanted to protect _him_, not because she cared what happened to Jack any longer. There was a part of her that half-hoped that Jack would have given one of them cause to hurt him, even if she couldn't acknowledge that fact. It was understandable, Andy thought. He had been hoping the exact same thing, after all.

"The weirdest thing happened after the hearing," Andy said nonchalantly, deliberately changing the subject.

"Oh?" Her expression was one of feigned innocence that he knew only too well.

"Yeah. Some lady turned up with an envelope for Jack. Can't imagine what that was about." He glanced up at her, an amused glint in his eyes.

The answering expression on her face told him that their earlier assumptions had hit the mark dead on. He lifted his head and looked at her in open awe then, and he let out a small chuckle.

"How the hell did you pull that off?" he asked eventually, shaking his head.

"Oh, you know…" she sniffed, waving a hand dismissively. "It helps to know the right people."

"_Right_," he rolled his eyes. "And would one of these _people_ happen to be a flamboyant lawyer with a soft spot for the most beautiful captain in the LAPD?"

"You might think that." She was positively smirking now. "I couldn't possibly comment."

Andy folded his arms and stared at her, waiting patiently for the explanation that he knew she would eventually bestow upon him. Rusty sat in his chair across from Sharon, a bewildered expression on his face at the conversation - both verbal and silent - taking place in front of him.

This time, it was Sharon's turn to roll her eyes.

"Gavin has had the papers signed and ready to file for years," she said softly. "Every so often he would make sure they were up to date with current divorce law and get me to sign any changes. It used to drive me crazy. Now…" She trailed off, a sadness crossing her face. "Now, I'm just grateful that he made me do it." She looked up at Andy and smiled, reaching for his hand. "I'm glad it's over."

* * *

Sharon did not have to ask Andy to join her on the bed that night. He settled her carefully against the pillows, making sure that she was comfortable, before automatically taking his place at her side. He leaned on one arm on his side and kissed her softly, his lips covering hers as she closed her eyes and hummed into his mouth the way he loved. His fingers traced the delicate line of her jaw, tilting her head up slightly to give him better access to her lips. Fleetingly, he wondered whether it was entirely appropriate to be making out in a hospital bed. But then her fingers were in his hair and her tongue was in his mouth, and he couldn't bring himself to care about much of anything except losing himself in her. He still carried an acute fear of having her taken away from him. It had settled deep within him, a nagging ache that was now as much a natural part of him as breathing. Andy didn't know if he would ever be able to let it go.

He smiled down at her when he eventually pulled away, before turning to lay on his back next to her and wrapping his arms around her gently. The fingers of one hand played with her hair as the other drew his customary soft patterns against the skin of her arm as it lay across him and he rejoiced in the feeling of having her in his arms. She laid her head on his broad chest, inhaling his familiar scent and feeling his steady heartbeat lulling her into slumber.

He had been subdued since Rusty left with Provenza earlier. Not brooding, exactly. Just quieter than he had been up until now. Sharon hadn't been overly concerned. Today had been hard on everyone and she was well aware that this whole ordeal had affected Andy greatly - certainly more than he was prepared to let on, and perhaps even more so than it had her. He had, after all, had to watch helplessly as she fought for her life. She had been spared many of the details, but she had been told enough to know how close things had come. How close they had come to losing each other. Sharon forced the thought from her mind, compelling herself to concentrate instead on the beating of the beautiful heart of this man that she loved.

She was almost asleep when she became aware of a change in his breathing. His fingers had stilled against her skin and his body had tensed beneath her. Sharon felt the sudden tremor that rocked through him, shaking his entire body where he lay. She opened her eyes and lifted her head to look up at him, her heart breaking at what she saw.

Andy was staring up at the ceiling, the rigidity of his features betraying his struggle to keep his emotions in check. A single tear tracked its way down the side of his face as he lay there, his jaw twitching with the effort of holding himself together.

Sharon lifted her hand to his face, wiping away the teardrop with her thumb before laying her palm against his cheek.

"Andy…"

"I thought you were asleep," he said thickly, unable to look at her for the moment but running his fingers through her hair in an attempt at reassurance. She took a deep breath, holding back her own tears and wishing more than anything that she could take his pain away.

"Let it out," she said softly, stroking his jaw with her fingertips as his body trembled with another involuntary tremor.

Andy swallowed hard.

"I'll be okay in a second," he protested, but his voice cracked as he spoke.

Sharon shifted slightly so that she could look at him without craning her neck, ignoring the pain that the movement caused in her side. She lay her palm flat against his face again, her thumb making gentle movements against his cheek.

"Andy." Her voice was still soft, but there was no mistaking the quiet authority it held. He looked at her then, chocolate-brown eyes shining with tears. "Let it out," she said again.

He shook his head a fraction, no longer trusting himself to be able to speak. She studied him as he silently fought with his emotions, torn between needing to let them go and the overwhelming desire he always carried to protect her at all costs. She knew the battle he was fighting. It was the same one she fought whenever she was in danger of losing control. He was afraid that once he let go, once he broke, he would not recover. She had fought this same battle the night Rusty left her condo. When Andy had come to her, she had been determined not to let him see her fall apart. In the end though, she had never been so grateful to have someone who loved her enough to allow her to break.

Sharon held his eyes with her own the whole time he struggled, her hand never leaving his face, wondering at how they were such completely different people - polar opposites in many respects, yet so similar in so many ways.

The wound in her abdomen protested at the strained position she was in but she blocked it from her mind. That was something she could deal with later. Andy was not. She would stay like this as long as she needed to for Andy to finally give in. There was no other option - he couldn't bottle this up any longer without risking his health, or his sobriety - and even if there had been, she wouldn't have taken it. She knew that he needed to fall apart completely in order to become strong again - and she also knew that he would never allow himself to shatter in front of anyone other than her, just as she would never break with anyone but him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Andy," she murmured.

She knew that almost losing her had terrified him beyond anything he had ever felt before. He covered it well, but she could see it every time she looked at him - his eyes held that awful, desperate fear that came from coming far too close to losing everything. It was something she still felt in her soul every time she looked at Rusty.

"Let it out." Her voice was a whisper now. "I'm right here."

She watched as he crumbled. His hold on her tightened as the first sob was wrenched from his throat. She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his cheek, the coolness of her skin soothing against his, her fingers moving to caress his neck.

He was sobbing fully now, pulling her body to him. His grip on her was firm yet inordinately gentle, his subconscious innately aware of the need to be careful with her even as he fell apart in her embrace. He could no longer articulate his thoughts, the panic and horror of the last few days taking over completely, but it didn't matter. She knew. She understood. She simply held him, her touch enough to eventually drive the pain away until all that remained was them, silently entwined together in the blessed relief of sleep.


End file.
